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  1. ceirsha

    All for nothing

    Exactly this. Abusers do not get to set our personal worth. Sitting with you teleah.
  2. ceirsha


    No this is not stupid. I struggle with sleep as well and it is a problem that affects many aspects of your life. Not sure that this would work for you, but you might find a bedtime routine (I eat a snack, shower, read) helpful. I have also found it very helpful to respect my triggers. I would do all those things you listed needing to do to sleep and not feel guilty about it...I make going to bed as stress free as possible. I slept on my couch in a sleeping bag for the better part of two years now and recently it has gotten much better by not pushing any of it at all. Anniversaries are ha
  3. I am so sorry for what happened to you. I don't have many memories, and things I don't 'remember' come back in nightmares. They are very real.
  4. ceirsha

    what hurts the most

    Lots of hugs teleah. I am so sorry for your pain.
  5. Hawkgirl, Your post really resonated with me. And I *love* your name because it has so much power. I didn't know how 21 should feel either, because after I was raped as a teenager I felt *so* old for *so* long...my real life felt over and what remained was horrible. To deal with my assault, I made bad choices (the best I could but not even close the best possible) and tried to drink both the numbness and the pain away. I got married because I thought that would keep me from getting raped again (dumb, but I was not thinking clearly). I stayed married because it was expected. I shouldn't hav
  6. Hi Angiem, I am also older, and just started therapy this summer to try to deal with problems past abuse/assault has resulted in. You will find connections, support, and insight on here. Welcome to you!
  7. No worries about the time delay...I just sent you a private message so you can see how it works. Click on the envelope/email icon at the top right of the main message board page. I understand what you are saying about not being able to function some days...when this all first came up for me I had about a month of very bad days. They seem to be mostly over, and although I still have bad days, I can function at some level and often pretty well. I've been dealing with a *lot* of anger this past week or so...my T said that it will turn into power...I just want to get rid of it ...shovel
  8. Hello SignIn, and welcome to AS. I am sorry for the things that happened to bring you here, and people will respond and help you. I haven't been here very long, but they have helped me, both directly and by reading the thoughts they posted on the message board. I would just start by looking around to see what topics were of interest to you, and read (and respond) as you find helpful. I am also older, and I was raped when I was 19. Except for one short sentence to my brother 2 or 3 years after it happened, didn't talk about it at all until very recently...41 years later. I'm glad you k
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