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About AWolf74075

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    United States
  • Interests
    Music, fantasy fiction, wolves, writing, some movies, some television.

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  1. Hi Orange, I hope you get your down time when the others return. Just wanted to let you know my inbox is always open if you need to vent!
  2. Welcome, Great group of people here. Wonderfully understanding one and all.
  3. I hate that chat is down. I've been struggling with some new revelations, and some new concepts. Like for one, I am doing fine. Yeah my wife's car was repossessed. Yes it looks like a bankruptcy is my best option at the moment. Does this hurt my pride, oh yeah. Does it hurt me? Not really. I'm still working, paying the rent, we have electricity and insurance and strength, both in each other and in ourselves. If I were to die today I would know that I had not broken God's laws, only disappointed myself a few times. I'm coming to peace with myself, and my place in this world. I don't like it, wh
  4. Thank you tina! it felt so good to actually write something again
  5. yeah, too bad the school decided they didn't want me.
  6. Skye, That makes me irritated and saddened. All of us need to be acknowledged and loved for who we are. I don't pretend to understand DID, but if you self recognize, to me that makes you a person all unto yourself. My Mother had an alternate that was not nice, but even growing up I recognized two different people. That woman should NOT be allowed to work with people on such a vulnerable level, she has the bedside manner of a trout!
  7. So I have been intending to return to school and finish my degree. The process of application, getting accepted.. has been... frustrating to say the least. But now I am well on my way to completing my registration for my first quarter of school in the pacific northwest! Yay me, and all that. I almost didn't go through with the registration, the thought of overwhelming myself with class work, and work work, and everyday household runnings was daunting, but with the patience and observations of a few friends, I went ahead and took the plunge. The fear of failure is one of the conditionings from
  8. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for your feedback!
  9. I haven't posted anything new in a little while, because I am trying to write something NEW. The forms of mental guidance, programming, I don't know what to call it, that my family used on me made me believe that I was not allowed to do anything well. I used to be able to write easily, but now when I pick up a pen, or sit down to a new document, my mind tries to rebel. I'm working on getting past that "oh my God I'm not allowed to do this anymore because I'm good at it" block, and put down some new poetry or prose. I'm struggling with it, this wall looks a lot bigger than I am. I don't intend
  10. Here you will never be alone Jixero, I haven't been a member for very long, but I have been suffering from recurring nightmares of rape, and re-surfacing memories of molestation and abuse. Here someone will understand. Sorry you need to be here, but welcome.
  11. This poem was written much more recently than the others, within the last 8 years I think. Feel free to comment if you would like. I am always open to criticism. A Ghost in This Town The good old days that have flown past; they plague my waking hours with sorrow, and my rest with nightmares of solitude. I pass in silence, like death walking, watching with patient horror as my fears become my reality. At the grocery, the mall, the theaters, eyes of every hue pass through me seeking the next wonder to behold. Wonders that I dare not see as I pass on toward transparency. My every step is shadowed
  12. AWolf74075


    Why Bother Counting Anger transparent- veils loosely as the noose around the symptoms of imbalance that plague my fading youth. My hands, callused with pointless work, my mind blurred with blind pain. Sorrows born from the pain of others, feed the flickering flames of my now listing spirit. If all could be beautiful, or all could be lost, why then do I insist on counting every cost?
  13. AWolf74075


    I wrote this poem after spending an afternoon in the great outdoors. Something I never do anymore, I always feel there are too many eyes watching me. Still, it is one of my favorites out of all I have written, so I hope you enjoy! Beauty Natures greatest beauty, lies in that which is old. Barren rocks in red clay soil reflects with rays of gold. The dawn and set of the sun, will tell you when the day has begun and is done. Far away from human plight, safely here I spend the night. The waters clear, the sky so blue, Everything a perfect hue teasing eyes with lost delight. I want to stay h
  14. AWolf74075


    Another poem from my dark ages. I don't think this one particularly triggering, more observational. Hallways I walk through this dark hallway Its stones are wrought of truth. Though I walk this path with passion I've found not yet the proof That this is indeed a token of all that lies ahead. The world in barren question when all of us are dead. I walk through this bright hallway, The glare it hides the facts. The truth of generations written by the chaos. This law of nature's sale, Man is rather frail, and as such will fail. I have walked through many hallways none are quite the same
  15. This week was a bad, the worst one I have had since the memories started to return. I survived it with few new scars, but only because AS was here, I made a post about my father and his blog, and what he published about me. A full page of fictional material created to sublimate my life into something more comfortable for him I guess. Either way, it hurt more that he refused to validate my existence, my story, my trauma, and turned it into something that vilified me and made HIM the victim. I had such an outpouring of love and support from my brothers and sisters here on AS that I was able to t
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