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About this blog

Ponderings of a frazzled firebird

Entries in this blog

Enter Andi

My name is Andi, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules of After Silence, and I will do my utmost to heed them. In this post I briefly mention SI. I have been around for a while, but deep Inside. I handed the first T the body went to...or at least the first who was worth the ink on her diploma. So it makes perfect sense to me (and my sense of balance) that I first resurface on the way to Aqua's. I like Aqua. We (me and Copper mostly) raised some very serious questions to her, and got s

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

New Material T W

Skye here. I am one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will adhere to them as best I can. This post carries a large TW. Tuesday's flashback was bad enough. Not much for details, but long on emotion. Days later and I can still feel Jet's cane coming down across my shoulders! But today...lord. We uncovered another part of why all of us hate being so cold. Can I get a ticket for Egypt, please??? 'Cause I want to go swimming in DeNile. Copper panicked halfway into the FB, so I rode (

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Waiting 'till The Wedding Rant (Big T W)

Skye here. One of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will heed them. *****This post carries a lot of Trigger Warnings, including CSA, and religion. You have been warned***** I just saw a bit on TV about some idiotic little starlet who is publicly announcing her plan to remain a virgin until her wedding night. She flaunted her credentials as a Christian and the values her (too-exposed reality TV show) family. She posted a list of tips on her blog...cute, really. She says to stay out o

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Generic Blog Title

Skye here. I'm one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules of AS and will do my best to adhere to them. I hate it when Aqua gets sick. And I'm about ready to stop scheduling podc appoints on Tuesday mornings so we can see Aqua in the afternoon (thus saving a trip). Virtually every time we have tried to make that work, we've got a call from Aqua's office saying she's unwell. Like today. Fortunately, I'm in decent shape. Most of us leader-types are. With one blazing exception. Copper. I was

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

So It's Fear.

Skye here. One of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules of AS and do my best to heed them. Blog time. So that's why she's been running like that. Fear. Our Copper is scared out of her wits, and responding the only way she knows how. She runs. There's also a nasty little whisper of Rev lurking in her ears, telling her that if she's not working she doesn't deserve to be. Nice man, that Rev. But mostly, she's afraid. Afraid of the Work we need to do. Afraid she's not strong enough to handle

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Dreamer

I am one of Copper's Insiders, but am not wiling to disclose my name. Regardless, I know the rules of AS and heed them. (Poetry post) The Dreamers dream, The Speakers speak, The Visionaries See; Living out a golden prayer For all the world to share But then we're home And all alone Who pays attention then? It matters not how powerful; We still are flesh and bone The Speakers speak The Dreamers dream Like lampstands on a hill Open-handed, generous So all can drink their fill Blazing power can ta

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Poor Kid!

My name is Mally and I am one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will do my best to heed them. (Even though she was part of today's events, Skye is too wiped to write. She knows I plan to post. Enough disclaimers. Time to blog.) Today was a Teacher day. Now, I have taken a liking to that particular person and even on days (like today) that we plan on letting Copper do most of the work, I tend to lurk nearby. Today's prompt was to "Draw something you like to do, something that makes

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Jittery Part 2

Copper here, posting with Skye's okay. (Role reversal, anyone!?!?) Obviously I know the rules, etc. On to the blog. This is kind of a follow up to Skye's Jitters post. Yeah, I am on a major cleaning binge. And I have been working to pack stuff that I know I'd be shattered to leave behind. But you'd have to know both me and my room pretty damn well to tell what is missing or moved. Should anyone ask, we do have an inspection coming up; I'm just doing my bit to get the house ready. That do

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Jittery

Skye here, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will adhere to them. I've got a bad case of the jitters and I don't know why. Maybe I'm still stinging from the mess with MM. I don't do humility well, and while well-deserved, Teacher's reprimand stung. Stings. More likely, it's the time of year. Our anniversary (Phoenix Day, we call it 'cause we rose out of our ashes when we fled) was yesterday. Everywhere I look I see Rev. I know he's not here. I know full well he has no reason

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Sad Skye (Tw)

Skye here. I'm one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will follow them. This post discusses religion. That earns it a TW just on principle. Also, this is an extremely sensitive spot of mine. Please keep that in mind if you choose to comment. I'm sad. Very sad, There are a lot of different faith paths practiced in the Company. We've got pagans, we've got some who are just "spiritual", at least one who identifies as a White Witch, a few atheists. And several of us follow the pat

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Leader Gotta Lead?

Skye here. I think we all know that I am one of Copper's Insiders and that I know and follow the rules of AS. Enough disclaimers already. First off, I'm sorry for not posting anything in so long. It has been hectic in this corner of the world...both Inside and out. What's been going on, you may ask? Hold on to your hair. This is gonna be a wild ride. First, new Insiders. Mally, who is easily as strong as me or Copper...and as different from us as chalk and cheese. Or maybe (Mally's metaph

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Post-T Brain Dump

This is Skye, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will adhere to them. Copper is close to her breaking point. I'm not that far myself. But I am willing to accept some stuff she's struggling with. A new Insider, who has chosen the pseudonym Mally manifested in T today. Manifested like a freaking hurricane! Copper barely had enough warning to tell Aqua that someone new was surfacing and to brace herself. Wise words from my Insider sister. 'Cause Mally's manifestation took her ri

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

A Year

This is Copper, posting with permission from Skye. I do know the rules, and I intend to honor them. I thought of posting this in all kinds of different places, but ultimately, nowhere seemed to fit. So to the blog I go. Sucky as I am at keeping track of time, I do know that people generally have one birthday per year. Grey's birthday is in the middle of August. Last year I went to her house for the first time to celebrate it. Tomorrow I go again. What a lot has happened in this year. This t

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Hazard

I'm Skye, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will abide by them to the best of my ability. I am not in the best mood. And the ocean is a little bit salty and the Sahara is not the most hospitable place to live. The crack Joker made in the DID thread didn't bug me. I have been pretty unpleasant the past day or two. Especially today. 'Cause quite frankly, I want to snap at every person who even looks my way right now. I was already grouchy when Aqua cancelled on us today. But tha

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Cross And Flame

Skye here. I'm one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules of AS and will do my best to follow them. ***This post discusses religion.*** This turned out to be a poetry post. Cross and Flame Refined, defined this girl Bread and Cup Accepted on bent knee at the altar Even this wild girl, this proud girl Knelt She who never bent her head to anyone Bowed Bread and wine Body and blood As she proclaimed the mystery of faith: Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again Litany on her lip

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Chuckling At Copper

Skye here. Yes, I am one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and do my best to follow 'em. Blog time. I had to laugh at Copper just now. Not mean-laughing, but chuckling to see how she reacted to something. Long before the post asking for Section Mod applicants went up, she had decided that if someone else approached her to be part of the AS staff, she would say yes. Otherwise, she would keep on being her normal, supportive, snarky self....without the little title under her name. (She

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Tabby Chat

My name is Tabby. I am one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules. I agree to adhere to them. As the disclaimer said, my name is Tabby. I guess I'm writing because this is one place I can speak. You see, while I am physically able to talk, I don't. My reasons for that are my own, but the rare times I need to communicate with the Outside world, I do it in writing. It doesn't happen very often. For that matter, I don't really even speak Inside either. I guess I'm just a little bit lonely.

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Cutting Remarks

Skye here. One of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and do my best to adhere to them. **** This post talks about SI a lot. Proceed with caution **** Seriously, folks, major trigger warning for SI on this post. It's not a topic I tackle often, but readers of this blog know I don't do anything by halves. Please be careful. And beware of swears. Okay, enough with the disclaimers and warnings already. As you may or may not know, we (the body housing Copper and Company) spent the last three

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Blogging Insiders: Copper's Voice

Normally this is Skye's place. But today it felt like I needed to post. I am Copper, I know the rules and do my best to heed them. Time to blog. I've been thinking about the blog thing for a while now. We are really fortunate to have not one but two excellent therapists. Even so, there's a limit of how much time any given Insider gets to interact with the Outside world. Skye in particular was hurting, really needing a way for her voice to be heard. So I read the TOS. I read them until my

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Idiotic Social Worker

Skye here. Yes, I'm one of Copper's Insiders. Yes, I know the rules of AS and I do my best to adhere to 'em. Enough disclaimer. On to the blog. TW for heavy swearing. I have had it up to fucking here with social worker types! (See, I did warn y'all about the swears...) Copper managed to pull some weird Zen mindset out of her ass, but I'm still pissed off at every fucking social worker I have spoken to today. Some more than others. We don't have a nickname for our new Housing person, so f

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Temper Lost... By Copper!?!?!

Skye here. One of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and always work to heed them. Blog time. Beware of swears. Ohhhhhh shit. The world must be about to end. Why? Because Copper just lost her temper. You read that right. Copper the peacemaker, the Healer, lost it. For anyone who has not been following the soap opera over here, Ladybug and Bee were our housemates. It has always been a....tumultuous... situation, but we all made it work. A few weeks ago, Bee relapsed and spent a while

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Pull It Together, Skye

Skye here, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and do my best to heed them. Blog time. I guess I had people worried again. Didn't mean to. Thing is, I've put a lot of effort into being nice to Furball, but that cat has triggered me from the start. I love her, don't get me wrong...but... I've been having FBs lately, mostly about Dad hurting animals. And in all of them, he somehow twists the logic around to make it my fault. It's a cliche, but I really am the kind of person that dogs

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Breaking Wave

Skye here. I'm one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and do my best to follow 'em. On to the blog. For us, flashbacks and memories tend to come in waves. And when a new wave breaks, it is devastating. Many years ago, I handled the first wave...and did a damn poor job of it. Unable to control anything else, I controlled the body's food intake. And by "controlled" I mean stopped eating. Must have drove the parents nuts-- denying their kid food had been an effective tool in controlling

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Cracking

Skye here. We all know I know the rules and do my best to follow them. Be aware that this post discusses SI. I just put on a long-sleeved shirt. Not because I'm cold, but because Copper sliced our arm to hell and back and I don't want Ladybug to see it and feel any guiltier than she already does. She would blame herself. I don't want that. I don't want her to suffer any more than she already is. I'm not being altruistic here. I just know that Ladybug is at her breaking point. Like, enoug

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

Silent Skye?

Skye here. One of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and all the rest. Blog time. It's been a while since I posted. Sorry 'bout that. Truth be told, I haven't been doing that well. Part is the intensity of work we're doing in T. Not long ago, Aqua inadvertently pushed us too far and unleashed some things better left bound. It was days before Copper was really coherent and a week before I was comfortable talking again. I guess it's been two weeks now and I'm still pretty woozy. At least

CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

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