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Hey guys, 

I just recently had lots of flashbacks and have been finding it harder to repress things so they have been coming up a lot in my memories and really disturbing and upsetting me.  I don't really have anybody to talk about it with. I feel very alone and I found this site and you guys seem really great.

It's nice to have a place to talk. Sometimes people will laugh or make jokes or just casually talk about a lot of these things and it's hard having to just keep my mouth shut. And when I'm having a really bad day, nobody really understands and it's not something I can talk about with other people. It's not something like a family death (which is awful, I'm not trying to say it isn't), where you can tell anyone who asks that you're upset that day and tell them why and have them understand rather than just back away very quickly from the conversation, or just to say something nice but it's hard because you know they don't understand or even to imagine how it feels. 

It feels really bad and disgusting too and I feel very ashamed to try and talk about it with other people.

 

Anyway just saying hi! I'm trying to make sure I learn all the rules, I don't want to accidentally upset anyone.

It's nice to be here!

 

 

Edited by kmdiamond17

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Hi @kmdiamond17 - 

Welcome to After Silence!!!  I am so sorry to learn of circumstances that have brought you here and to hear that you are struggling.  I can relate to the feelings of shame and disgust - you are not alone - so many others can relate to this - myself included.  But please know you are NOT disgusting.  You feel the way you do for a reason that was not your fault.  

I am, however, glad to hear that you are liking what you see here on the site - this is a great place.  You are safe here to talk about anything you would like to discuss - without fear of being judged or laughed at.  That's just NOT tolerated here - we are here to support each other through our healing processes.  We really don't have any rules other than to treat one another with the respect and kindness we all deserve - other board posting rules and tips can be found in our Public FAQ's and Welcome FAQ's, so you can check those out when you get a chance.  Otherwise, I think you will be just fine! :)  

Have you been contacted by a Newbie Support Staff member, yet?  If not, please let us know here and someone will be sending you a message shortly and will be able to answer any site-related questions you may have, if any. 

I'm sorry you are having flashbacks lately. :(  I hope they subside soon and that when you experience them, you are taking gentle care of yourself and surrounding yourself with things that bring you comfort.  

Again - welcome - happy to 'meet you' and am looking forward to getting to know you.

Best wishes,
Capulet

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Hi, thank you so much for replying @Capulet :)

I'm doing a little better than I was but I'm still having difficulty with some coping mechanisms that this isn't the right place to mention. 

I don't think I have been ? Unless I missed it somehow. 

I know that logically I'm not disgusting, but it still feels that way. Like I'm different from other people in a really gross way. So it's nice to be able to see people who have been through similar things - Not that it's nice that you went through them! Just nice that I found you to talk about it with. 

Thank you for being so welcoming. I'm gonna be honest, I started crying when I read it! It's overwhelming to be 'seen' after a long time. 

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Awwww....!!!

I am sending you safe hugs, if you are okay with the thought.  :hug:

It can sometimes be truly overwhelming to feel as if you are FINALLY seen, and that you have been heard.  

I think that many of us spend a lot of time hiding, and NOT wanting this extra attention or even feeling as if it's undeserved.  Please know that this isn't the case...you do deserve support.  

It's understandable - that emotional burst when, for the first time, things are a little bit different.  It is okay to cry - you are safe here and you are among friends.  

I am always here if you ever need or want to talk a little.  

All the best,
Cap

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4 hours ago, kmdiamond17 said:

Hey guys, 

I just recently had lots of flashbacks and have been finding it harder to repress things so they have been coming up a lot in my memories and really disturbing and upsetting me.  I don't really have anybody to talk about it with. I feel very alone and I found this site and you guys seem really great.

It's nice to have a place to talk. Sometimes people will laugh or make jokes or just casually talk about a lot of these things and it's hard having to just keep my mouth shut. And when I'm having a really bad day, nobody really understands and it's not something I can talk about with other people. It's not something like a family death (which is awful, I'm not trying to say it isn't), where you can tell anyone who asks that you're upset that day and tell them why and have them understand rather than just back away very quickly from the conversation, or just to say something nice but it's hard because you know they don't understand or even to imagine how it feels. 

It feels really bad and disgusting too and I feel very ashamed to try and talk about it with other people.

 

Anyway just saying hi! I'm trying to make sure I learn all the rules, I don't want to accidentally upset anyone.

It's nice to be here!

 

Hi kmdiamond,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for what you have been thru and the struggles you still face. It was not right you had to experience this. Our community is a safe and supportive site with members who understand what you are dealing with...which is not easy. I also find much of society does not understand or care to, which is so frustrating. I'm sorry you have dealt with this. Do know you are not alone here. Take your time to look around the site and jump in when you feel comfortable to do so. I will be sending you a PM with more information to help you navigate the site.  I am glad that you have found us and wish you the very best on your journey of healing.

Mary

:notalone: 

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Hello, @kmdiamond17. Welcome to AS. I am so sorry for the trauma you experienced that brought you here, but am glad you have found AS.

You are most definitely not alone here. I remember being so relieved after I joined and started reading what others had posted ... it was (& still sometimes is) surreal to realize I am not as alone or as abnormal as I had previously thought ... what I felt and thought was ok & no one here was going to tell me how I felt was wrong - & in fact they even understood things I felt that I didn’t even know how to say. 

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Hello @kmdiamond17

Welcome to AS!  I am glad you have found our community.

I relate a lot to what you said, about feeling like you have to keep my mouth shut while  it's become a topic of everyday conversation - and unfortunately jokes too -  and it's always in the media. I wish more people understood how much we are affected on a daily basis. I know that when I first came here I also cried whenever anyone responded to my posts. I still do sometimes! It does feel good to know you are not alone, that no one here will judge you and that we 'get it'.   I am truly sorry for what you went through,  and I understand how awful the flashbacks can be. I went through a period where I couldn't repress things anymore as well, and it was really difficult. Being here helped me and I hope it helps you too!  I wish you the best in your recovery,

g

:notalone:

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Dear @kmdiamond17,

I'm sorry that you have a reason to be here, but this is a kind and supportive community full of people who understand everything you've described.  We know what it's like to have people who can't relate or who can't understand or who don't know what to say.  

I think you'll find that as you get comfortable here, you'll feel empowered and safe sharing the parts of your story that you would like to.  Take your time looking around, reading the forums, and then posting whenever you want.

Wishing you peace and blessings,

Gold Raindrops

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