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Len523

M. Member
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    Survivor

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  1. My birthday is coming up and it's another traumaversary as well as close to the anniversary of a death (both from 2020 so very recent). I'm determined to celebrate it but I'm already not feeling too good

    1. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      Sitting with you and sending lots of care, comfort, and support, Len. ❤️ I hope you'll be able to celebrate your birthday a little bit. Best wishes.

    2. Len523

      Len523

      Thank you 💕I'm already emotionally exhausted the closer it gets to the day but my family is already helping prepare to celebrate so hopefully I can overcome the feeling

    3. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Sending positive vibes. It's never fair that we can identify what should be good and happy days with trauma or even grief of a loved one. Hoping you are able to focus on the good and I'm glad your family is helping. 

      No truer words will I speak today...I hope you have a happy birthday, Len. I really do. :hug:  

  2. I finally signed up for a support group that I've been looking at since January

    1. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      That's great!! Congrats! I hope it goes well. :) 

  3. Had a really bad and vivid nightmare last night, entirely unprompted. This is exhausting.

    1. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      I'm sorry about the awful nightmare. :( I hope tonight will be better.

    2. Len523

      Len523

      I hope so as well, I'm not sure what triggered it because I actually had a great day beforehand. I was finally out of a depressive pit and the dream threw me right back in

  4. I have a gay bamboo! (A bamboo but I decorated its terrarium with rainbows)

  5. I finally talked to my T about my ex on Friday, and I spent the weekend with an old friend so I was able to feel okay about it

    1. Pink Sky

      Pink Sky

      Ah nice one @Len523 Glad that talking things through helped and old friends are always a good distraction 💛 

    2. Len523

      Len523

      Thank you! 💕💕 Its harder since I'm back home alone now but I'm at least glad I could tell my T so we can start there next time 

  6. I agree that there should be a discord, and I also haven't really dealt with trolls on there but I know it's possible for it to happen. I think its worth a try, and maybe starting off with a semi-private discord might help (not able to be searched but the link is shared here)
  7. My ex messaged me after about a year and a half, and I have no clue what to say to him. He's asking to be friends again and of course its a hell no because of everything he did but I don't want to sound rude because his message is phrased in a polite way. I still haven't even talked to my therapist about him (we were ironically going to bring it up this week)

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      I agree with Mary...you don't owe him anything, not even a reply. You know your answer, so it might be for the best to just delete the message and pretend it never happened. Block his number if needed, too. I'm glad you're going to talk to your T about him and what to do. Best wishes to you. ❤️ 

    3. Len523

      Len523

      Thank you both ❤️ 

      I've been sitting here for the past two-ish hours stressing out about it but I'm glad I haven't sent anything because I think not responding is in my best interest here. I feel a little less panicked than I was before thankfully so I'll delete it and try to ignore. I have him blocked everywhere except discord (because of a mutual friend group chat and a volunteer group chat) and apparently he tried messaging on those platforms before trying this one..

    4. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      I'm glad you decided to delete it. This is your best interest and that should override everything else. Hopefully it helps you destress about it. Since you can't block him on discord, just ignore him as much as you can. :throb: 

       

  8. I've been having a flare-up of memories from something I haven't thought about in a while but I see my T bi-weekly and the other day we didn't get around to that topic because of other issues. I might try to start a blog or something just so I can get the words out since I'm already on here often, but I'm not sure where to start with what I want to say

    1. sk8er

      sk8er

      I had a similar experience. Sometimes an hour In T can cover lots of topics, sometimes It can't. Interestingly enough, I feel like I do the most work outside of therapy and that's cool too. I also love that you thought of a blog because writing things down makes everything In your mind a little more "understandable"? If that makes sense...If you like, you can check out my blog for Ideas to get you started (only If you feel like It). Anyways, good luck!

    2. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Perhaps start by throwing some words on a WORD document or scribbling notes on a piece of paper. The good thing about wherever you do start...nobody here will judge. Most of us get it, too. I think we've all had too many emotions, not enough writing clarity. It can be a relief tho, just to get some of it out.

      Wishing you luck with this. :throb: 

  9. I was able to get through my traumaversary but I got sick and only got like 4 hours of sleep last night. The sick ick is a little better than the trauma ick though so I think that's a win

    1. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      I'm glad you were able to get through your traumaversary. ❤️ That's a big accomplishment! I'm so sorry though about getting sick and not sleeping well. I hope you feel better.

    2. Len523

      Len523

      Thank you so much! I'm hoping to get some sleep tonight since resting might help. I have my 2 year old niece to thank for the cold...

  10. We have another speaker in class but she gave a trigger warning and gave everyone permission to step out or tune her out if needed. She also came bearing gifts 😌

    1. Len523

      Len523

      I listened to music and drew the whole time, and I'm so glad because the topic was on the exact thing my brain was already spiraling about the other day

    2. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      It's nice she was upfront and gave you that option. Glad you recognized music and drawing was your way to self-care during the lecture. And gifts? Nice.  :)  

  11. The s*x crimes unit is in class today talking to us, and I really wish I would have skipped. They're uncensored about everything so it's just multiple triggers back to back. I'm trying to power through it since I know I'll see this stuff when I go into this profession but it's really hard

    1. AngelasAshes

      AngelasAshes

      I'm sorry you're not feeling comfortable in class today, it sounds like that would be a difficult thing for any survivor to listen to. Sitting with you in support, if ok. 

    2. snmls

      snmls

      I'm sorry you were feeling triggered in class. Remember it is okay to miss a class if it becomes too much or if it is really affecting your mental health. When I took a criminal law class, I had to skip the s*x crimes unit myself. 

    3. Len523

      Len523

      Thank you, I wasn't in a great state of mind so I forgot to respond here, but I appreciate the support.

      The class itself is specifically about that subject because unfortunately there weren't a lot of options available to fill that section of the degree requirement (I'm on my last few semesters and needed to add this to remain full time). I've been getting better at dealing with the topics in class, but when the unit came in to speak with us they starting telling us (very explicitly) about recent cases they worked, and it was a lot more triggering than the normal lessons

  12. Don't ya love when you get back home ready to bathe and scrub clean after feeling triggered and icky only to find out your roommate has used up the hot water

    1. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      Oh no. 😕 That's really frustrating! I hope the hot water came back so you could bathe. Sending you support. ❤️ 

  13. I've been close to a panic attack for 3 days, I don't know how to get rid of the feeling

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      I hope the anxiety has subsided. Panic attacks truly are not any fun. 

      Sending support and positive vibes that you are feeling better soon. :hug: 

    2. Len523

      Len523

      Its a little better from what it was when I posted, thank you for the good vibes 💛

  14. I've been wanting to add to this thread but could never bring myself to type. Might as well start off the new year with it. 1 - Karma's a bit*h, isn't it? (Context: He's going blind) 2 - I should have told somebody 3 - I'm not falling for it - I don't love you anymore - Stop invading my safe space (Context: He decided to volunteer for something I've found comfort in volunteering for for 9 years)
  15. Traumaversary night and the fireworks are absolutely the worst part 👌

    1. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      Oh no. I'm sure it will be very difficult to handle...lots of triggers. :( But please know you aren't alone. You are safe and among friends here. Take gentle care of yourself. ❤️ 

    2. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      So true. I have complex PTSD and fireworks always trigger. I am so sorry. 

    3. Len523

      Len523

      They always trigger for me too unless they're the whistly ones, the popping sound is connected to the trauma and I also hate loud/abrupt noises because of different trauma so it just sucks all around

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