Hi, I'm New To This Site

[Delisa28]

Hi everyone. I am new to this site and only stumbled on it when I was doing and internet search on rape and healing. This is all very new to me as I was just raped; Monday July 30, 2007. When it first happened I didnt want anyone to know. I told my mom (easy to do bc she lives 800 miles from me) and I went to my doctor to get tested for STD's, HIV and document what was found. For the first two days I wandered around in a fog and then decided to tell the police. I told them yesterday...which was hugely embarrassing and difficult. Now I am ANGRY! The man that raped me is a coworker and the police said that because I invited him over and because I waited so long to report it there was going to be fight. To top that off, because we live in different counties the police said they had to call him and coax him in to question him, they couldn't just go pick him up. In the event that he tells them we were just having fun...then I have to fight to prove he raped me. It just doesn't seem fair. He rapes me and can pretty much get away with it. To make matters worse; we work at the same place. At this point I have taken a leave. I am supposed to start a new position which will get me in a different position and on different hours on August 20th, but until then I'm not sure what to do. I'm scarred that he is going to come after me.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this... my mom keeps telling me that I should have gone to the police right after it happened and why didn't I scream...why....why...why. My soon to be ex-husband is using this event to try and get me to move back in with him...Everyone seems to want something from me and all i really want to do is disappear from it all and pretend it never happened.

I'm just so frustrated and I am hoping for the support I need from people that have gone through this too.

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

I am so sorry that this has happened to you - I am glad you have found AS and I know you will find a lot of support and friendship here

best wishes

karen

[LibbyLynch]

Delisa28

Hello, I'm new to this too. Unlike you, I was raped ten years ago by three men, while I waited for it to come to trial I was raped by a co-worker who knew that I couldn't do anything about it and I was sexually abused as a child by my uncle.

I know exactly how you feel. It's probably very difficult to think about the actual event right now. After I was raped by those guys, one thing sticks out in my mind - I didn't feel comfortable touching my body. I remember being in the shower and using a sponge instead of my hands to wash myself because I just didn't want to touch my own body.

You are going to go through many stages; in my opinion it is similar to grieving. I grieved for the loss of my 'old self' and one day I awoke to realise that I'm still me and these experiences have just given me a greater understanding of myself, my strength and I hope that you find someone close to you with whom you feel comfortable enough to share your REAL thoughts and not keep anything to yourself.

Writing things down is good as it feels as though you're getting something 'out of your system' without actually having to tell someone what's going on in your head. But, I must advise you that the problem with rape is that it is sexual and embarrassing and somehow it feels strange talking about it. Don't feel strange. Tell someone. Right now you need someone whom you trust to listen to you and try to make you feel better.

My thoughts are with you. You will certainly have to fight this thing to get justice, but never forget that you WILL get justice and all it takes is patience. What he did was awful and it does not matter that you brought him back to your place, it does not matter that you didn't report it straight away - all that matters is that he has committed a crime of the worst kind and you must NEVER forget that.

Libby

[sisterinsurvival]

Yahoo, !
We love you, and are glad you've found AfterSilence!

[angelic]

Hi and welcome to AS. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I hope being here will help you heal and give you strength.

best wishes, Paula

[the_lioness]

Welcome to AS hun, we're glad to have you. It isn't wrong that you didn't scream, and certainly not strange that you waited awhile to tell! Many survivors wait years. He violated you without your permission. It doesn't matter wheher you invited him over, or liked some of his touch. If he didn't ask if it was okay--it was wrong.

Getting a medical check-up right after something like that is hard for anybody. Just take things a day at a time and you'll pull through. I can see your courageous spirit shine through your post.

Sorry your mom, the government, and the police are making this difficult for you. There need to be changes in the laws. He on't get away with it, whether he gets caught or not. As soon as he finds out the police want to question him--the guilt and fear will follow him around for the rest of his life.

We're glad to have you here girl. Post as you need to and be gentle with yourself. You arn't a victim of rape anymore. You, are a survivor.

Lots of safe hugs,

-Elle

[AmyLyn]

I wanted to add my welcome as well. I am so sorry for what has brought you here. You can heal. We are with you.

[hanne]

Hi Delisa,

Welcome to the AS community!

I'm fairly new around here to, but I can already tell you... AS is a wonderful place and you'll find all the support in the world here.

Take good care and stay safe,

Hanne

[melissa]

Welcome to AS

I'm sorry your mother is not supportive. I know how that feels.

But, even if you didn't scream, it is NOT your fault. You did not make that decision for him. I'm sorry your family cannot see it that way.

I waited years to report, I was too scared in the beginning. it's okay...you are not alone.

Take care,

Melissa

[teazle]

Hi and welcome to AS

I hope you can find what you're looking for here

take care of yourself

teazle

[krystnme]

delisa,

i am so proud of you for telling as soon as you did! i still haven't told and it has been 15 years. you are strong and courageous. good for you! i am so sorry that you had to go thru what you did. you did nothing wrong. you did what you needed to do to survive. i hope you find the support and encouragement you need here.

take care,

laura

[Capulet]

Welcome to AS! I am confident that you will fit in nicely here. The people are wonderful!

-Capulet

Edited August 15, 2007 by Capulet

[-Nicole-]

Hello and welcome to After Silence

I am sorry for what you have been through recently, and sorry for how it is being dealt with. The laws that deal with sex crimes can be so disgustingly unfair and one sided. I admire you for going to the police, that is something I was never able to do and often regretted. I am glad you found this community, it is very supportive and many of us can likely understand how you are feeling. I hope you find what you need here.

Nicole