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SurvIvor<3

SurvIvor of 16 years

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Hi I'm alyssa and I am 21. I was sexually abused by my older brother. When I was four. No one knew till I was eight, and my parents didnt know till I was a teen. I was also molested by my step father from ages 11 to 17. No one believed me when I spoke up. I dont want to go into detail, not because I cant handle it, believe me I love telling my story to those that will listen. But I will keep it short as my story can be extremely triggering. 

I went through it all alone. I didn't get a therapist till this year, and I've handled the pain alone for 15 years. I was secluded as a child and never really talked to anyone, so im glad this group exists as I am very socially awkward. 

I thought I was completely healed. I thought I handled my problems well but I'm realizing that I dont and my entire life revolves around the abuse. Including my love life. 

I have the most wonderful partner in the world, and I'm afraid of hurting him. You see after abuse usually the person cant stand sex or focuses on it to much and I focus to much. So much it really affects our relationship. It hurts me that I'm so addicted to it it causes fights between us. I want that to stop. I want to stop focusing on it. I'm hoping that becoming friends and talking openly about this will help. Either way I'm giving it a shot. 

So hello, I'm alyssa, and I hope to get to know you all well. 

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Hello, @SurvIvor<3. Welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry for the many traumas you have experienced that brought you here. I have found this place to be a safe & supportive place. I am glad you have found a therapist to work with - I have found it extremely helpful to have someone to help me untangle the thoughts in my head. I have learned that dealing with this stuff can take time ... & can be many layered. There are many here who understand the roots of the dynamics of your relationship with your partner. I hope that working with your therapist and being able to talk here will be of help in your healing journey.

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Hi @SurvIvor<3 this is a great forum with lots of understanding and supportive people. You can talk freely here and get some great advice and understanding. We are all here for similar reasons, we all understand the emotions and mind set that sexual abuse brings. Our stories may differ but our understanding is the same. An understanding that is ours alone.

Welcome :hug:

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Welcome @SurvIvor<3. I am sorry you have been through so much. You showed amazing strength growing up. I am glad you are getting the help you deserve now. 

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Hi Alyssia,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry about the trauma you've endure for most of your childhood, but you have found a very supportive site. It's not easy to move past it, but I do believe healing is possible. We all react in similar and different ways, but the struggles are real. You are not alone. Take your time and look around. I wish you the best on your journey of healing.

Mary

:youcanheal: 

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Welcome to AS!  I know you will find healing and support here, you’ve taken a very brave step :) :supportu:

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Welcome to AS, sorry for the trauma that brought you here. You really are brave and strong and you showed us that by joining but also by sharing so much with your first post. You have found a very safe and supportive site, your free to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with, please take your time dont rush, from my own expierence of keeping it silent for a long time it felt great to finally let it out but by letting go so fast I ended up having more issues, guess you may not be like me though too cause we do all cope and handle things differently. Sitting with you proud of your bravery all these years.

BraveOne

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Welcome to AS Alyssa, you've found a supportive and understanding site where you'll find you're not alone, there will be members here that will be able to relate to some part's of your story. I hope you find what you're looking for to help you heal and I wish you all the best on your healing journey.

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