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New and looking for coping tips


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Hello – New here. I’ve joined this group because  I don’t have anyone in my life that can relate to my experiences and I seek guidance from others whom have.  I feel as if I have to be told I was assaulted in order to come to terms. I know the answer,  but I find that I crave validation. Is needing validation common? Is not being able to come to terms me still rationalizing the bad behavior towards me? I’ve tried to move on and have a hard time being physically vulnerable with someone now. I don’t want to cuddle and I recoil to certain types of touching.  I used to love cuddling and now I feel almost claustrophobic.  I would love to hear some coping tips. I look forward to being a part of this supportive environment and hope to help others as I pull myself together.  Thank you for reading.

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Hello!

4 minutes ago, ValkyriesRide said:

Is needing validation common?

Oh, yes!  Absolutely.

Even after we've had a fair amount, we STILL need it, in big, heaping servings.  We need to be reminded that this validation exists, all the while things are constantly changing for us as we embark upon our healing journeys.  It's a scary thing to ask for but it truly is a wonderful feeling when we've found it.  

That being said, welcome to AfterSilence. :)  I am sorry for what has brought you here, but I truly hope that you find everything you are looking for, including that sweet validation - the people are fantastic, supportive and kind here!  You are by no means alone!

Best wishes,
Capulet

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Yes, I feel validation and being believed are key.  The injury comes in and out of focus and having others see and reflect the truth back really helps.  Also for me seeing validation in my own life helps, evidence like not wanting to cuddle when it used to be pleasurable.  

Welcome to the website, and I'm sure you will find lots of validation and support here. Sorry for what you were subjected to in the past.

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@ValkyriesRide Welcome to AS. I am sorry you have a reason to be here. The validation thing is sooo common. As Capulet said, even after loads of validation this seems to be sth a lot of us crave a lot. I know I do. All of what you said so far that you struggle with is very common. As for coping tips, there are many, depending on what you struggle with. People here are usually happy to help with any worries or questions someone may have. That is what this community is all about. Exchanging experiences, advise, support and just being there for each other when we can. For me, I find I cope best since I have at least one very supportive person in real life that I could tell and lean on, having a trauma-specialised T (any other T cannot really help as much imo), being part of AS and building friendships with some of the people here, which makes me feel less alone and, because I am that kind of person, reading lots of stuff on trauma and trauma recovery. Hope this helps a little and that you find lots of validation and support here. 

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7 hours ago, ValkyriesRide said:

Hello – New here. I’ve joined this group because  I don’t have anyone in my life that can relate to my experiences and I seek guidance from others whom have.  I feel as if I have to be told I was assaulted in order to come to terms. I know the answer,  but I find that I crave validation. Is needing validation common? Is not being able to come to terms me still rationalizing the bad behavior towards me? I’ve tried to move on and have a hard time being physically vulnerable with someone now. I don’t want to cuddle and I recoil to certain types of touching.  I used to love cuddling and now I feel almost claustrophobic.  I would love to hear some coping tips. I look forward to being a part of this supportive environment and hope to help others as I pull myself together.  Thank you for reading.

Hi ValkyriesRide,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you have endured and the struggles you still face. You will find tons of support from understanding and kind members. As the others have said, most (if not all) of us crave that validation. What happened to us was significant and life-changing. To be acknowledged that this has happened is a big deal, but often others who have not walked in our shoes can minimized it or even disregard what we go thru. This can be hurtful. So validation is important. We do understand and do know that you are validated, your experience is validated, and your struggles are validated. What happened to you was wrong and you are not alone. It takes courage to reach out to others and I wish you many more forward steps on this journey of healing.

Mary

:notalone: 

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First off, I love your username!

Secondly, I agree with everyone. You absolutely need validation. When i first starting working through my trauma, it took someone telling me that it wasnt my fault over and over again. Telling me that i need to call it what it is, sexual assault or r and not sugar coat it. It took someone telling me that i am exactly where im meant to be, and there was no rule book on how to work through it because everyone is different. Which leads me to coping, i cant exactly tell you how ive coped. But what i can tell you is what ive done to work through things. I'll message you, because being new im still unsure how much information you can post on these things lol

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Hi to you too! This is actually my very first post as well. Your comment about needing  validation really resonated with me. I have about 25+years of un-acknowledged trauma under my belt and I’m just now sitting through it all. I’m not sure what all to say here, so I’ll leave it this:

i believe you. It was not your fault. 

I hope you get the support and validation you need and deserve. Heck! I hope that for myself too! Welcome and thank you for having the courage to be here and to introduce yourself. I think that’s awesome. 

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Hi Valkyriesride,

I so agree with everyone else about validation. I received it for the first time from my T, and it was so incredibly healing just having someone really acknowledge me and my pain. So yes, this forum with friendly people who recognise what you've been through, and will always believe you, is a great resource. And if you can see a trauma T, I agree with  phoenixxx that's a really great step to take. I've used tapping (EFT), which is becoming more and more recognised for PTSD, and it's really helped. Still, any person who will listen and validate is a good thing :)

Sitting with you, if that's okay...

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