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I have had so much trauma that I really don't know how to express myself to anyone outside of a therapy session. I am 36 years old and my last trauma was almost 20 years ago. I have kept it all inside even in therapy until now and I am hoping that all the brave survivors here will help me really find my voice. I have always internalized and blamed myself and that has led me down the path of mental illness. Current events have made me realize I can't be silent anymore.

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Hi Meggers,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you have endured, but you have found a very supportive site. What happened to you was wrong and so unfair, but you are not alone. You have taken the first step in finding your voice, just by being here. Internalization and self-blame is unfortunately far to common among us survivors, so even with how difficult it has been, do know you have reacted normally for unnormal circumstances. Take your time and look around and when you start to feel more comfortable, we will be here for you. I wish you the best on your journey of healing.

Mary

:youcanheal: 

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A hearty welcome to AfterSilence, @Meggers!

 

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14 hours ago, Meggers said:

I have had so much trauma that I really don't know how to express myself to anyone outside of a therapy session. I am 36 years old and my last trauma was almost 20 years ago. I have kept it all inside even in therapy until now and I am hoping that all the brave survivors here will help me really find my voice. I have always internalized and blamed myself and that has led me down the path of mental illness. Current events have made me realize I can't be silent anymore.

Hello Meggers, and welcome to AS!

It can be very difficult for many of us to express our trauma to anyone, you are not alone with that.  This is a supportive and validating place to share a little, a lot, whatever you are comfortable with, at your own pace.  I hope that the validation here will help you with self blame. It is very common for survivors to blame ourselves, but that too, can serve a protective function sometimes.  We do what we can to survive!   Please have a look around and I hope you will feel less alone, that there are others here who like you, didn't talk about what happened for a long time. I didn't either, and I still am very selective about who I share with.  I wish you the best on your healing path.

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On 09/10/2018 at 1:49 AM, Meggers said:

I have had so much trauma that I really don't know how to express myself to anyone outside of a therapy session. I am 36 years old and my last trauma was almost 20 years ago. I have kept it all inside even in therapy until now and I am hoping that all the brave survivors here will help me really find my voice. I have always internalized and blamed myself and that has led me down the path of mental illness. Current events have made me realize I can't be silent anymore.

Welcome Meggers! I didn't talk about it for along time either, and like you internalised and self-blamed until I couldn't ignore it anymore due to my mental health. I guess sometimes it just takes a while for us to get to a place where we can deal with it. It is never too late to get started. You are not alone here, no matter what you choose to share or how you choose to use this space. 

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