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  1. Haven't written on here in a while, but had some things on my mind that I couldn't shake. One of them was about how I thought of sex when I was a kid which I made a post about in gathering place. I wanted to talk about that more here. I mentioned that as a child sex had two purposes: babies and hurting other people. Because of this belief I held thanks to the SA, there was this running narrative that I kept in my head as a kid (I was 6 when I started it). The whole narrative was me as the pink power ranger (cause I was still a little girl in the 90's) having been kidnapped by the main vil
  2. oakprs

    Relating to People

    So...today I wanted to write about how the csa affected my relationships with others. Essentially, how it warped my view of other people. I mentioned in a previous blog about how "J" used to torment me emotionally by constantly lying to the point where I never knew if anything he said was true or not. This is essentially how I started navigating my life. I never knew whether to believe people or not. Are they joking? Are they lying? Was that sarcasm or are they being serious? As a kid this hindered my ability to make friends and generally talk to people. I was nice and that was my def
  3. oakprs

    emotional stuff

    Today I want to focus more on the emotional side of things I suppose. I was feeling pretty anxious this past weekend to the point where I almost had a panic attack a couple of times. I haven't really felt that anxious in a very long time so I started thinking about the emotional side of the abuse/my childhood in general. Please excuse the rambling... I shall call him "J". My mom got a new job and her boss' wife would watch me and best of all, they lived right down the street from the office! I could see how this was a godsend to my mother and she had no way of knowing what exactly thi
  4. oakprs

    More experiences

    After wring my story the other day, there were other thoughts I wanted to get out as well, but writing it all at once would have been way too long and way too draining. I'm writing now about the fact that I was pretty much surrounded with the point that my body does not belong to me and that I was not allowed to refuse beng touched. Besides the two I wrote about there were other little things that just served to drive the point home. 1) there was another family friend who would watch my sister and I when babysitter 1 could not. They had two children themselves one was a girl about a
  5. oakprs

    detailed story

    So the blog is a pretty cool idea, I honestly just noticed this was a feature. I think it might serve me well of just being able to write things mostly for the sake of having to get it out and others may read at will or not. I guess I'll start just by telling my story and whatnot. I've told it a few times before, but it does help just to get it out. Plus the image keeps running through my head so I might as well give it a place to land for a while. ***TW*** I'm not holding back on details!! I was SA by my babysitter's son from the ages of 6-9 (approximate ages base
  6. i only need four "what were you thinking?" i've always wanted to know
  7. oakprs


    Um...so yea I'm new here, I guess I'm just hoping to find people who will listen and understand
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