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SurvivorChick

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  1. Hi EyeZach. Would like to chat to about a topic you commented on last year. Message me if u have time:up:

  2. Thank You TeeJ . I am sorry your mother was so ignorant of the situation. Guess mine was too. I am sorry for what happened to you.
  3. I remember this particular day. I was sitting in our lounge on the couch. We were home alone. My father and I. He offered me money for sex. I shook my head meaning No. He asked me whether I was sure. I shook my head meaning yes. Tears were streaming down his face. He was trying to guilt me into sex. I was about 13 years old. That was the first time he ASKED to rape me. How insane is that? My positive thought for the day: Enjoy prison Daddy.
  4. Welcome Silence1970 I am sorry for the trauma you suffered. You will find wonderful support here
  5. SurvivorChick

    More Aftermath

    Hi Dasi I do find your first blog entry amusing. Like how you try to make "light" of certain things by using humor . I do admire your courage for giving your father another chance. I cant stand the thought of seeing my father again. Never mind communicate with him in any sort of way. Good luck with the rest of your healing process
  6. Hi Punky

    I used to feel the same way. Most of your days are filled with thoughts of the abuse. Tears are streaming down your face when you relive that trauma, when you get flashbacks or when you feel overwhelmed by feelings of anger, disappointment and hate towards your abuser. Sometimes feelings of self-blame towards yourself. You feel stuck and depressed almost all of the time and it just does not seem like it will get better, like you will ever be able to move on.  I am sorry it happened to you. You didn't deserve it.  

    Here is something I came across I would like to share with you:

    Tell yourself:
    Everything will work out.
    Things will get better.
    I am important.
    I am worthy of great things.
    I am lovable.
    The best is yet to come.
    I am strong.
    I will get through this.

    And you WILL get through this. Hope you feel better soon.

  7. Hi Dragonflies You will never be the same person again. That is a fact. I wished for that many times. Something happened that is going to affect the rest of your life. Sometimes in major ways in the sense that you cant bear the thought of someone else touching you, which could also possibly affect future relationships. And sometimes it will affect you in smaller ways, you might get triggered by simple and little things people say that reminds you of the abuser/abuse. You cant change what happened but you can choose how to deal with your trauma. Alienating yourself from others wont help. I cant stand people around me all the time, I get irritated. But no "man" is an island. You need to surround yourself with positive supportive people if you are able to do so. I am an introvert and even I cant stand silence and isolation all the time. I surround myself with people ocassionally. It will get better with time. The different and overwhelming feelings you are experiencing. You might find that difficult to believe right now. You will never forget, you will never heal completely, but it does get better. You will learn to accept the new you. Not the sad, conflicted you as you are now. You will work through that. You will learn to deal with it in a postive, constructive way. You will decide how the new you is formed and at what pace. You will decide who you interact with, who you surround yourself with, who deserves to be in your life, who not, to whom you open your heart, most importantly you will decide the type of attitude with which you live your life each and everyday. Sometimes it is hard to have a positive mind set,a positive outlook, a positive attitude during the midst of it all, but when you feel down, depressed or at your lowest think of something or someone that makes you happy. We all had dreams before we were sexually assaulted. I pursued mine despite my trauma. The thought of little children makes me happy. I could just eat them up. I just wanna hold them and protect them from the ugly things in life. They look so young, innocent and carefree. You are brave, you are strong, you are a fighter. The new you emphasizes that in a much more powerful way than before. Your journey as a survivor is an inspiration to other women and male survivors.
  8. Hi HRKinsman What happened to me most of the time was also "silent" rape. No screaming, no fighting. I fought initially and eventually gave up. More details are on my Blog. What happened was not your fault. Sometimes we feel a lot of self blame, but you learn to deal better with it with time. Some people just don't know the legal definition of rape. I have been told I asked for it. People choose to burry their heads in the sand and look the other way. I was abused by my father and also kept quiet for years because I was ashamed, scared and I didnt want people to know that part of my life and look at and treat me differently. I hope you have someone who you can trust and speak to. If not I'm here for you
  9. Hi All, I am quite new to the site. I hope my blog will benefit myself as well as those reading and following my story. My journey as a sexual abuse survivor started when I was four years old. It stopped for a few years and continued when I was about 9 years old. I reported it when I was 15 years old. For 7 years I was a victim. Im in my early 20's now. One day I just spilled the beans at school to a few of my teachers. Not so nonchalantly as it is coming across now. My father molested and raped me. Some incidents I remember vividly, other are just vague memories. I remember when he used to try to bribe me with material things (cell phones, watches) and money just to get himself into my pants. I did not want any of it. My dignity and self-respect has no price attached to it. It is not for sale. My body is not for sale. Yet I was still forced into sex. Initially when my father used to molest me, stuck his finger inside me, climb on top of me and stuck his penis inside me, I resisted, I fought back. But when I saw it was a losing battle I stopped fighting. I just laid there time after time and just let it happen. No screaming, no saying "NO", no fighting, nothing. That is why I still feel a lot of self blame. Some days I am more overwhelmed by that feelings of guilt than on others. When I think back of how I lost my virginity, I get a sick feeling in my stomach and the image in my head is as clear as if it happened just a few moments ago. My father took my virginity. Sometimes it makes me feel angry. How the heck does one even live with that. I feel your virginity is something sacred. Something special. You should not be forced to give it up. My positive thoughts for today is: None of us deserved the hand we were dealt, but I do believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe that sounds cliché. Would any of us be able to encourage one another if we did not suffer the "same" fate? Some more traumatic than others. I came across a prayer I would like to share with you all. I have to confess, I never had a real relationship with God. I always wondered where he was during the the abuse. When I was lying half naked in my father's bed. When I was terrified of the blood I saw on my fathers penis after he took my virginity. I am not so angry at God anymore. I talk to him sometimes. I hope you do too. " Heavenly Father I may not understand how everything will work out, but I trust you. I dont see a way, but I know you will make a way. I have faith at this very moment you are touching hearts, opening doors, and lining up the right breaks and opportunities. Things look dark and bleak now, but I have faith my dawn is coming. In Jesus name Amen"
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