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The anxiety is overwhelming right now...
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A year later, i can finally see what my amazing support group saw in me... I've been thru a lot and slowly but surely i've overcome it and i'm still here!
I AM STRONG!
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Hi Punky
I used to feel the same way. Most of your days are filled with thoughts of the abuse. Tears are streaming down your face when you relive that trauma, when you get flashbacks or when you feel overwhelmed by feelings of anger, disappointment and hate towards your abuser. Sometimes feelings of self-blame towards yourself. You feel stuck and depressed almost all of the time and it just does not seem like it will get better, like you will ever be able to move on. I am sorry it happened to you. You didn't deserve it.
Here is something I came across I would like to share with you:
Tell yourself:
Everything will work out.
Things will get better.
I am important.
I am worthy of great things.
I am lovable.
The best is yet to come.
I am strong.
I will get through this.And you WILL get through this. Hope you feel better soon.
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I don't feel happy, i don't feel sad, i don't feel angry... I feel indifferent about everything!
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I feel like nothing... I feel like I'm back to square one
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Yesterday was a really good day.... I haven't felt that way in such a long time... We'll see how much it last!
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Numbness...
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Why do they say i'm strong?!?! when i feel so weak!!!
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Because in the eyes of others you are strong for surviving the pain of what you have had to go through. I feel the same way. I once screamed at my therapist to shut up, to not say those words to me, to stop saying I´m so strong when I´m this weak mess, this broken girl. She said that you can feel weak and be strong at the same time. That surviving everyday despite this feeling of utter helplessness is in fact being strong. And that being strong does´t mean I can´t let myself feel broken. It just means that I am doing the absolute best I can and that for her, knowing what I´ve been through, that means I am strong.
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Thanks... I don't like feeling vulnerable and for people to see me cry and that's all i've done in the past months. My friends keep saying i'm such a strong woman for dealing with everything and still passing my semester and keep going! But i just feel I've just barely made though it... And that i can't give that horrible person the satisfaction of me failing and abandoning my life dream!!!
Hayatee that makes me look at it in a different way and it really helps... Thank you