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Not in a good space

girlsnz

Entry posted by girlsnz ·

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I've had a rough couple of days.

I had Covid for the entire month of May. I've started feeling better; and then I woke up Monday morning barely able to move. My back hurts, pain radiates around my body and into my chest. My ribs hurt, I have pain going into my arms and my legs. I cant take a deep breath, I cant talk very long, or stand up or sit down or I  get really bad chest and back pain.

I've had issues with my spine for the last 10 years. I've had 2 neck surgeries and 1 lower back surgeries. I know I currently have 2 herniated discs in my thoracic spine and 1 in my lumbar spine.; tr I've been dealing with the effects of the herniated discs for the past couple years. I went back to the neurosurgeon who did all of my surgeries. He doesn't want to do surgery to correct the herniation in my thoracic spine - its more complicated and has a higher risks than anywhere else on the spine. 

I've been seeing an orthopedic doctor for the past 6 months - trying to control  the pain and avoid surgery.

I already had an appointment scheduled Monday afternoon. The doctor does Orthopedic Manipulation - he does manipulation, moving bones and muscles to their correct place to relieve pain. He worked on me for a while. He said he did all that he could do; the remaining pain was from the pinched nerve in my thoracic spine. He wants me to have an injection in my back to relieve the pain - I've already had 2 injections - neither helped at all. He has given me Fentanyl patches for the pain. I dont like how they make me feel; they take the edge off of the pain but that's about it.

I called the neurosurgeon this morning and left a message; his PA called me back and reviewed my symptoms - she is going to schedule a MIR and follow up with an appointment after the results are received..

I'm just really disheartened; I was just starting to feel better and this suddenly gets a lot worse. I'm really afraid I'm going to get the MRI and go to the doctor and he is going to tell me that there isnt anything wrong with me. I'm going to feel really foolish if that happens

I felt really foolish last summer when I went to see him about the thoracic herniation. He told me there was a small herniation but it wasn;t effecting my spinal cord. He told me that he didn't want to do surgery unless it became worse. He did tell me to call him if it got worse - it feels a lot worse since last summer. But what if I'm just imaging it? What if I am just being a baby? I'm going to feel really stupid if that happens.

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Viceless

Your dealing with alot. I have been dealing with chronic pain for years so I can somewhat relate to the frustration... Wether or not the MRI shows anything wrong, your pain is still real. It can feel like we’re going crazy or like the drs don’t believe us, but stick to your guns. You deserve not to be in so much pain. I’m glad your recovering from Covid. I’m sure that on it’s own has caused alot of stress... 
 

I strongly, strongly recommend looking into Dr. John Sarno books on the mindbody connection. Also known as psychosomatic pain. He talks alot about herniated discs and MRI’s and surgery... Your here on this site for a reason and I would assume you’ve dealt with some form of trauma. Pain like that can cause our bodies to protect us by creating tension... Please read his books, it may change your life.

You could also check out a documentary called “All The Rage”

“When the body says no” is another great book related to the topic. It really hit home for me and was an easy read. 

I have more recourses if your interested. 
 

i hope you find the healing you deserve. 
 

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girlsnz

@Viceless and @mango_star1

 

Thank you both for your support. It means a lot to me

@Viceless i think I have read a John Samos book - it's been a while and i dont remember the name of the books - seems like it may be time to read them again.I'll check the documentary and the the book, "When the  Body Says No." I would welcome any other recommendations. 

@mango_star1  I am also hesitant to see a woman  therapist - so far I've been ok with a male doctor. I trust the neurosurgeon - he has performed 3 surgeries on my spine - 1 lumbar and 2 cervical.My entire cervical spine is fused; the surgeon told me not to let anyone adjust my neck - there is just 2 much hardware and a chance that something could go wrong. Because of this I'm really afraid to go to a chiropractor. My daughter sees a chiropractor - Ive talked to her and she agreed with surgeon. 

I can't imagine seeing a male therapist. I don't think I could ever feel safe with a man. I know i would never be able to close my eyes with a male therapist - it's difficult with a woman therapist - it would be impossible with a man in the room.

I've looked into Marijuana, unfortunately its not covered by my insurance.

I'm not a big fan of opioids either - especially when the label states that you can become addicted even if you follow all of the directions and take as directed. I dont like the idea of having it go into my blood stream 24/7. I took the patch off this evening to give my body a break. The fact that we lost our oldest son to an overdose about 2 1/2 years ago doesnt help.

Thank you again for your support; you have both given something to think about.

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Viceless

The Dr John Sarno books I’ve read are “the divided mind”, “the mindbody prescription” and “healing back pain”. I would read “the divided mind” last. It’s a bit technical. “Mind over medicine” by lissa rankin is another great book. She has a website as well. “the body keeps the score” by bessel van der kolk is a good one. 
 

There’s an app called Curable that stems from the psychosomatic philosophy and also The Pain Cure Clinic is an online company helping people with chronic pain. You can talk to them for free before deciding if you want to try their method. I obviously don’t know enough about your history to say “it’s 100% psychosomatic” but it’s definitely worth looking into before more surgeries. Best of luck! My heart goes out to anyone dealing with chronic pain. It really takes a toll both physically and mentally. Reach out anytime:)

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girlsnz

@Viceless

Thanks for the books, i'll take a look.Some of it may be psychosomatic -  Looking at your list of books - I don't think I have read any of John Sarno, but I have read "The Body Keeps the Score." by Besel Vad Dr Kolk - I agree, it is a very good book.

i know some of it is from the abuse - I had a broken bone in my lower back - doctor told me it had been broken for a very long time - probably was broken when I was a child - my father did like to throw me around.

 I blame the damage to my neck on my father as well, not sure if it is fair, but he picked me up by neck several times and he also used to choke me. 

 

:ThankYou:

 

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Viceless
5 minutes ago, girlsnz said:

@Viceless

Thanks for the books, i'll take a look.Some of it may be psychosomatic -  Looking at your list of books - I don't think I have read any of John Sarno, but I have read "The Body Keeps the Score." by Besel Vad Dr Kolk - I agree, it is a very good book.

i know some of it is from the abuse - I had a broken bone in my lower back - doctor told me it had been broken for a very long time - probably was broken when I was a child - my father did like to throw me around.

 I blame the damage to my neck on my father as well, not sure if it is fair, but he picked me up by neck several times and he also used to choke me. 

 

:ThankYou:

 

I’m sure some of it could be related to the abuse as well. I’m so sorry for what you’ve experienced. Your right, it isn’t fair. You deserve better. 

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girlsnz

@mango_star1

Thanks for sending me healing energy.  

I have thought about using medical marijuana,  even went to a doctor and got a prescription.  I found out that I would have to complete an application on a desk computer  at my home. If the application is approved the state will send documentation, once I receive the docs, I can go to a dispensary and  buy the marijuana. I would have to follow up with the dr every few months.

Just seems like a lot of work. Maybe I'll try again Thanks for sharing- I would definitely try it if it was an easier process

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