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Hello, this process is new to me. The process of trying to cope and deal with what has happened. It has been many years ago and I have spent so much time and energy burying and denying it that it almost doesn't seem real to me. However, it is now affecting my current relationship. A wonderful husband who has known all along I was hiding something, but I was too ashamed to admit it. I think I am hoping for some guidance from After Silence in how to start the healing process. How not to let this event define me. I have read so many forums here and I have begun to feel a bit overwhelmed. So any specific guidance would be appreciated.

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Hi wasitreal, welcome to AS. I am sorry for the tramua that you have been through. The site can be a little overwhelming at the beginning.  Just take your time going over the site. There are many people here will help you. Many of us have spouse who are understanding. I didn't tell my husband the details of what happened to me until many years of marriage. You are not alone here.

Patricia 

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@wasitreal

Hello and welcome to After Silence! I am so sorry to hear your trauma is resurfacing. That is exactly what led me back to this site after 10 years. 
 

I hope being here and receiving comfort from others who have also experienced traumas eases the overwhelming feeling you are having. You are not alone in this pain.

It is so lovely to hear your husband is supportive for you. That can make a world of difference when it comes to the healing process.

sitting with you if okay?

sam🖤

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Hi, @wasitreal - 

Welcome to After Silence! I know this trauma is so overwhelming and difficult to process. I've not been married or in any relationship since my own assault so I don't know how much advice I can offer on that aspect of this. I can tell you that the most helpful thing for me has been therapy. It gave me a safe space to explore what happened to me and talk about what was hurting without the fear of judgment or of others finding out. I guess just talking about my experience more and bringing it to light helped me to start healing from it. Even talking about it here and knowing I'm not alone has helped. So, maybe something like that will help you too! 

If you need anything, please send me a message any time! :supportu:

Warmest welcome,
Poppy

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Hi @wasitreal

Welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma that brought you here, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join. It is never too late to begin the healing process. We are all here to support you throughout the healing journey. It can be tough, but you will make it through and you will be able to have happy and health relationships. Take your time looking around the site. No rush. Whenever you feel comfortable you can start posting and sharing. Wishing you the best. 

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6 hours ago, wasitreal said:

Hello, this process is new to me. The process of trying to cope and deal with what has happened. It has been many years ago and I have spent so much time and energy burying and denying it that it almost doesn't seem real to me. However, it is now affecting my current relationship. A wonderful husband who has known all along I was hiding something, but I was too ashamed to admit it. I think I am hoping for some guidance from After Silence in how to start the healing process. How not to let this event define me. I have read so many forums here and I have begun to feel a bit overwhelmed. So any specific guidance would be appreciated.

Hi wasitreal,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the experience you endured many years ago. I understand how sometimes struggles can still affect you years later. You are not alone. I am glad that you have a wonderful husband and I know saying the shame is not yours can be difficult to accept. Sadly it is a feeling we all unjustly place on ourselves, when it should rightly be placed on those who hurt.

Abuse of any kind does not define you, as I believe there is much more to you than just what happened to you. It is true that we feel changed, but nobody can take all of what makes you, you. Some of those things are still there, even if you have trouble identifying them right now.

This site can feel huge, especially when you first join. Tho I believe reading can be helpful to see you are not alone and there are those who do struggle like you, but do remember, you don't have to take it all in at once. When scanning thru the postings, as well, be as choosy as you can be with topic headings and be aware if there are any tags. This can help you decide what you feel ok with at any given moment. If you are like many of us, there will be some days where reading more is better and other days less is better. Also, if you want a breather from serious stuff, we do have a Humor and Silliness forum and an Amusement Alcove to look around in. I guess what I really am saying it is ok to go at your own pace.

I am glad that you have found us, tho I wish you had no reasons to. You will find tons of support from our understanding community. I wish you the very best on many forward steps on this path that we call healing.

Mary

:aswelcomesu:

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Welcome @wasitreal to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.   Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Dear wasitreal

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

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Hi wasitreal, 

I'm so sorry for what you went through that brought you here. As scary as it is I think this first step is a good choice. I'm also new here and spend about 10 years pretending I was fine and I can truly relate to how you feel with it affecting your relationship. This site can definitely be a bit overwhelming but I've seen over the past little while how supportive and understanding everyone is and I think it will really help. Remember you are not alone and I wish you the best on your healing journey. 

Jstoo

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