Am I In The Right Place?

[hannahsuki]

Hi everyone,

I found this site yesterday and am nervous to write because I wasn't raped in the technical sense-but seem to have the same struggles-after reading please let me know if I can fit in to this group. I have struggled for 15 years with all sexual relations, since a 3-year relationship (from age 14-17, I'm 30 now) with a guy who was emotionally abusive. After we had sex for the first time (which was my idea, how dumb) he just couldn't get enough. I was in the hospital for 10+ days with genital herpes at age 15 after having sex only 3 times (my parents had no idea and it was VERY traumatic). That seemed to set me up for tons of shame around sex, but he continued to badger me for it over the next 3 years. I gave in every time because he said things that made me feel like I had no choice. He controlled my whole life. Eventually I broke up with him and he proceeded to date my best friend, marry her, and have 3 kids with her. I still get panicky when I even hear his name. I have never known what my problem was; all of my relationships start out with great intimacy and sex, and then after a few months I am repulsed at the thought of it and avoid it at all costs. I am in my second marriage and my husband is wonderful (we've been together for 6 years). We have a toddler now, and I want to be a good role model for her in terms of intimacy and love. I am paralyzed sexually right now, and I feel that the only way I am going to get out of this place is to identify with other rape survivors. I have just never felt like I fit in any particular group, but I desperately need support and a place to vent. I have been in therapy over this on and off for 7 years but it hasn't really helped. Thank you for your time.

[momof2]

Personally I think you are in the right place. What he did was wrong and has harmed you. I am glad your life has taken a turn for the better. As you post more about your previous relationship I bet you will come to terms with what he did to you. If you even once said no it was rape. If he pressured you repeatedly and you gave in out of fear it was also. So let us help you heal and become the woman you want to be. Feel free to pm me if you need to.

Beth

Edited August 30, 2007 by momof2

[Marty]

Welcome! I just joined this group yesterday and I was nervous about starting. Everyone has been very friendly so far. I would say that if you feel a connection to what you are reading here that you have come to the right place. I have been looking for a good site for some time and this is the first one that really felt right to me. Hang in there.

Marty

[Saltywaters]

Welcome here.

Jo

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

I also think that if you feel happy here then you are in the right place

best wishes

karen

[snshn4rnydy]

Welcome to AS. I do not think it is right for anyone of us to decide if this is the right place for you or not. Believe me after you are on here a few times and read what others have written you will know. You find yourself connecting to others in a lot of different ways. Everyone you meet on this site is so supportive and encouraging. They are genuine and non-judgemental. I hope that you find this site to be a "safe" place as I have. Follow your heart. I was a nervous wreck when my counselor told me to join this site. I kept thinking "yeah right, how is an internet website going to help me with my healing and recovery"....boy I could eat those thoughts now. You have taken the first step in the "process". I will be praying for you. If you need to talk please PM me. I am here for you.

[teazle]

Hi and welcome to AS

I hope you find what you're looking for here

take care of yourself

teazle

[audionectar]

The reality of rape is not what people always perceive it to be if you were coerced threatened or made to feel threatened in any way so that he could coerce sex from you then this is considered rape. Many victims don't scream no because they are to scared, many are raped by spouses friend family or boyfriends many victims are scared of the trauma they have endured but do not feel it was rape because they did not say no. But I assure you his use of emotional abuse and manipulation is sexual abuse if not rape and you are in the right place for support.

Welcome to AS,

Audio

[sisterinsurvival]

Yahoo, !
We love you, and are glad you've found AfterSilence!

[-Nicole-]

Welcome to After Silence

Yes, you belong here and I am sorry you do, but I am glad you found this place.

As audionectar said, coerced rape is rape. There is no doubt that this horribly abusive and manipulative relationship had wreaked havoc on you and your sense of sexuality. I hope that being here will help you, you are certainly not alone in your struggles.

Nicole

[sadeyes22]

Hi welcome to AS I hope you find what you are looking for here. I look forward to seeing you around the boards. Take care.

Sad

[melissa]

Welcome to AS! I think you are in the right place. Hang in there, you are a survivor!

Melissa

[jaded_chaos]

Welcome!

I identify very much with your story. I was in an extremely similar relationship from ages 16-18 and I am the exact same way with intimate relationships. They're great for the first few months, and then I just can't stand to be touched anymore. Its very rough.

I believe you are definitely in the right place. Hope to see you around here. Take care :hug:

[man_frost_01]

welcome to AS