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Hi everyone I’m new on here but I am really struggling atm with what has happened to me.  Yesterday was 1 year since my ordeal and although I felt like I was in a really good place with my life (new partner & baby on the way) these overwhelming feelings have hit me out of nowhere and I feel like I’m drowning and have no one to talk too.  My family and friends have struggled to come to terms with what happened and I have lost many friends over it as well.  I feel like no one believes me because I was married to the person that did this to me for over 18 years.  I feel I can’t talk to my new partner about this because although he has been my absolute rock throughout all of this ( I knew him before this happened) whenever my ex comes up it just causes tension between us.  I really don’t know what to do I have literally cried for the last two days and I am not normally an emotional person (I know pregnancy hormones don’t help) I thought I was dealing with this but clearly I am not or is this just the norm and I’ve done well at pretending I’m ok for the last 12 months I don’t know I’m just so confused if anyone can help thanks

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Dear rachie

I would like to welcome you to After Silence's forums.  We are all here for you and want to support you in any way we can. I know that posting for the first time can be scary.  Please don't worry, though; you will always be given so much support from our lovely community and its members.  You're not alone - we are with you.

You will soon receive an official welcome message in your inbox.  Please feel free to respond to that PM if you have any questions about the forum or if you need some help finding your way around the site. 

Take care and keep reaching out!! 

 

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Rachie, please know that these feelings you speak of can come at the most inopportune times. That makes it harder perhaps to deal with or make sense of anything at all. I am so sorry to hear about the current tensions. Talking definitely can help. Please know that you have found a helpful site with souls who may be able to relate even if only in general. Maybe, this will make you feel just a little less alone during these trying times.

☘️

 

 

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Welcome @Rachie85 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.   Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Hi Rachie,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what happened to you a year ago. It is very understandable that you were triggered yesterday. A word you may hear around the site is traumaversary, which often bring returning emotions and struggles. Do not discount your being in a good place, as you worked hard for that. It isn't gone, but maybe just consider it a little tumble on this path of healing we all take.

It is often difficult for non-survivors to understand and do know any survivor here does understand that it doesn't matter who the abuser is, it can happen and it is wrong. Nobody can take your rights away, even if you are married to them. I am very happy that you are away from him and now have a little family. If no one has ever told you...you are a brave lady. Abusive marriages can be almost like a trap for many and can take a long time to break free. So kudos to you for being strong.

I am glad you have found our community and decided to join. You are not alone. Take your time and look around and feel free to interact as you become comfortable. I wish you many, many forward steps on your continuing journey of healing.

Mary

:notalone:  

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It's nice to meet you. I am new as well. I can relate to you. Sometimes things that I have buried in the back of my mind pop up randomly years later. Recently I had a memory resurface of my mom attempting to kill me when I was 6, and me having to talk my way out of her not killing me. It's horrible. I do have a therapist but I don't like talking about these things. If you have a therapist, with time, you can bring it up. I think when it comes to talking we have to be ready. I don't think I'm ready to talk to my therapist about it yet, even though I know the sooner the better. I think a part of me doesn't want help.

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Hi, @Rachie85 - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm sorry for what happened to you a year ago and I'm sorry you're struggling with it so much right now. The traumaversary is always a difficult time and there's a good chance that all of the extra emotion is a result of that. I know that I get very different around my traumaversary time too, and so do a lot of other people. Are you familiar with any grounding exercises that might help you when the emotions get really strong? If not, I'm more than happy to share some of mine with you! 

I'm sorry your current partner isn't someone that you feel you can talk to about your trauma. Hopefully being here will help you to release some of what you're holding on to and you'll be able to talk about it more and process it. I can assure you that this is a safe space with people that understand what you're going through. You're not alone! 

If you need anything at all, feel free to reach out to me any time. I'm here! 

All the best,
Poppy

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