I don't believe I have ever openly stated how I have felt about the anger that has been directed towards people here at AS but I will say this...it has become quite a problem and it's not a pointing fingers game at all but if you really think hard about it, it's a few people who no matter how many warnings or advice has been given, still feel that the rules do not apply to them. This thinking has caused a loop that affects everyone else and stirs up feelings of confusion and anger. I don't think certain members understand why rules are set on this board, but let us think about it for a minute...what a great feeling it is to feel protected...I really wish that certain individuals could feel the same way. Personally if these rules were not here things would in my opinion feel unstable and chaotic. I too struggle with the same issues and crisis' occassionally just like every other member...but I have taken heed to the advice the mods have given me and because of this I have found a way of navigating and using this board to my advatnage. If anything I have learned how to become a better thriver. For example, if I am having a sucidial thought...it serves no purpose for me to come on to the board and post about my crisis...but the mods have advised all of us to seek help elsewhere and have given a few examples of where to seek help and because of this I have and I have gotten the help I deserve...help that keeps me on the road to recovery.
I am very disappointed in the way things have been, only because it used to be a lot better and for some reason drama feeds on more drama and it's become something of a loop that needs to end. We have to start asking ourselves why we came here and why it is important to respect the views and opinions of others. It's not about silencing members when a mod makes a decision to close a thread, it's because mods knew exactly from the get go what this board was designed to do...help us speak out and heal. To seek out help and new support systems. They thought that as fellow survivors themselves that this would be easy to understand. I haven't always been a chat mod and I understand...and as I write this I am for the moment not speaking as a chat mod. Just a survivor and fellow friend.
As for being more respectful which is what this whole topic is about...here are my ideas in a list form so it's easier to see how I feel...
1.) Be respectful, we all heal differently and if you don't like someone's opinion, that is okay...debating is not about arguing, it's about giving two sides of an opinion without attacking the other person's views. Not that I think debating is healthy in this forum, it will eventually happen and if we can learn to do it respectfully than it will only make us better people for it.
2.) rules and guidelines are not up for discussion and attacking any mod for just trying to protect the entire board is very rude and only causes more drama. There's probably not a single person on here with an exception of a few who agrees with everything...but for something you don't agree with someone else will and it's about honoring what others need and deserve as well.
3.) Try to understand that everyone else on thos board just like you has a life outside of AS. We have husbands, jobs, we go to school, take weekend vacations...bla bla bla...that's what life should be all about...so if someone isn't "there for you"....give them a break, cause it really does come back to the golden rule to treat others as you would want to be treated.
4.) When in chat room, please show the same respect as you would in a post when leaving a trigger warning. When you're about to bring up a subject that might be too graphic or triggering, follow your inner instinct and ask permission if it is okay to talk about a certain topic. There's nothing wrong with asking.
5.) People who strom out of the chat room or forum because they get upset about the mention of a certain word, topic or are just too stubborn to ask a simple question is just rude and confusing to other members who in the aftermath feel like they did something wrong to that person when in fact they are just being themselves. I honestly think that is just a person's way of getting attention and let's face it, that's something we never talk about for fear of offending someone but it's something we should talk about. Seeking attention is not healthy. Why do people do it? Do they think we don't notice? Do you think they don't realize what they are doing? Well they do, and I think people are VERY aware when they do it and it's selfish. I am not trying to sound mean or anything but it's just something that has to stop.
6.) Please, pretty pretty please when in the chat room or forum posting about an issue, don't post things that will make us believe your story is something different than what it really is. Oftentimes people will say things like "My baby just died, I don't know how to cope." and then 4 hours later FINALLY mention the fact that it's an animal and not a real baby...that is confusing to everyone and it puts us in a position where we don't know how to trust anything that person will say next.
anyway I'm sure I could think of a longer list of ways to be more respectful but this is a start. I am going to ask though that if you do respond to this post that you do it with respect and maturity as this is everyone's first step and I am entitled to how I feel because what I see is what I see. I agree that there is a lot about people's behaviors that needs to change for the better and it's high time people stop blaming the entire board or it's mods for the actions of others because respect is golden and trust here is not given away, it is earned.
I care deeply for all of you and I hope that you will take heed to what I have said. I usually don't poke my nose in public threads like these, but even I have a breaking point from
time to time. I feel like it's because I have so much love for this board and all of it's members that I am now finally speaking out about this.
Love always, Haullie