Fair enough footnote. I am in a position where I am able to take that fact for granted, but I suppose not everyone does.
The idea is to quit projecting personal experience onto everyone and try not to generalize. I think it is also handy to just stay on topic. If a thread is about rape culture and how men might justify their abusive actions toward women, I find it kind of rude when someone feels the need to pipe up and say "WELL YOU KNOW NOT ALL MEN ARE RAPISTS AND SOMETIMES WOMEN ARE, SO THERE." Yeah. I know. It's a topic worth discussing on a different thread, which I'd be happy to consider and participate in. There's room for everybody to be validated here without invalidating other people in the process. No one needs to shove.
I'd hope that people would have enough consideration to understand the context of a thread before making those kinds of remarks, but it does still happen. It's a sensitive issue either way, but there's no reason why each aspect of the topic can't be discussed in its place. If the thread is intended for a general audience, then the issue may be up for debate. If it's narrow in its focus (culture and its relationship to male perps justifiying their activities, for example), then obviously the responses would (or should) be accordingly.
Exactly. There is a big difference between "I'm having trouble trusting men again" and "all men are miserable, rapist scumbags." The former is indicative of a survivor working through issues and the latter a hurtful generalization and projection onto all men, including male survivors and secondaries who don't deserve to be called rapists.
If someone is making obvious, hurtful generalizations (not working through issues) and the thread is out in the forum for access by both male and female survivors alike, then the generalizations CAN and SHOULD be refuted. If it is in the Women's Forum, then it is a clear violation of the TOS and a moderator will end up dealing with it.
Hurting is not an excuse to demonize, especially when those being demonized are far outnumbered and a very vulnerable minority in what is supposed to be a safe space for ALL survivors, not just those who are female. Bullying and generalizations are not healthy expressions of pain. If I see it, I'm calling it out or reporting it.
Is anyone gonna seriously sit idly by while a male survivor posts that all women are abusive, manipulative liars who just want to hurt women? Really?! I've witnessed far too much callous and intentional secondary wounding at the hands of female survivors to just pretend it is okay any more. After witnessing a male survivor completely fall apart and recoil from his support network, and seriously consider hurting himself over the hatred he witnessed on another survivor network, I think it is time it is addressed head-on rather than excused or glossed over by those in the majority on survivor sites. It is easy to be cavalier when it is not your demographic being demonized on a constant basis. Does anyone ever wonder why so many men join and then disappear quickly? Or many never leave the discussions in the men's forum? Think about it - hard.
I highly doubt the same tolerance for generalizations would be granted if the genders were reversed.
i completely agree with you. well said, very well said.