Week Long Getaway
Entry posted by Kimberly122708 ·
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Yeah so... my family (mom and stepdad, sisters and their husbands, kids, and my bro and and step bro and now even my grandparents and aunt and uncle and cousins... so anyway, we renting this lake house... and...we're getting (slowly) we're getting ready to go on this week long retreat.
So.. I know it will be fun. It will be fun to see my nieces... it will be fun to see my sisters, my nephew, my brother... even my extended family... I know it will be so much fun... but... I'm a lot leery of being around all of them in a large group like that.
I... they know about my... abuse. The nature of it... so... there's that... but now they just keep wanting to help...to support... and while I appreciate that... I don't feel very safe talking about it with them... with anyone really... except my therapist... and others whom I've met through this site...
No one else really gets it... and so then I feel so judged, and withdraw into my self a little deeper.. I want to feel proud of my sexuality... but I feel like everyone around me wants me to "fix it".
Newsflash... I'm figuring out I don't want to be... "fixed".. if that means completely turning away from something that has seemed as natural as breathing to me... since... always. Since fucking always.
I just... it's hard, right now especially with the (yes sometimes/most the time self inflicted) isolation I'm feeling more and more...
And like... I'm really feeling that something is changing... in me... in my life... in my relationships... I don't know what... or why... or how... but... I feel like I'm gearing up.. and that's.... well that's something.
So yeah.... I'm grappling with this... and now I get to go and play happy family time...
This is good for you, Kimmy. It is. Just... just do it.
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