Living with PTSD is not easy. One minute I'm fine and life is great, the next I have a trigger. A bad one. And I feel like I cant pull myself together. Last night I decided to go for a walk on the beach. There was a storm coming so the waves were crashing into the sand. It was really dark. A wave crashed into the sand and it sounded like someone running up behind me. For 3 second I thought my worst nightmare had come true. For 3 seconds I thought he found me, and I thought my life was over. So today has been a bad day. I know he's not here and I know he can't find me, but all it took was those 3 seconds of complete and utter fear to make me doubt that. When I have a trigger, I can usually hold myself together pretty well, but lately I can't and I'm not sure why. It's been 6 years, and I just want to move on. I don't even live in that state anymore. My boyfriend was so beyond caring and understand when I was triggered last night, but in some way that makes me feel even worse. He shouldn't have to put up with this. I shouldn't have to subject him to this, its not fair. I don't want to feel like a train wreck for the rest of my life. I just want to be normal.