Just Want To Be Happy
moments like today and previous days re-enforce the feeling that i will be alone. im without my foundation, have been for over two months now. nothing i say or do seems to work at getting her back. i secretly cry but pretend to her face im okay. its hard, very hard, knowing im the reason she doesnt want to be with me. ive been fighting since i was a toddler for love and when ive finally found it, i figured i was safe. but every day ive always had this feeling she would leave. i know im a f up, i know that. ive been trying so hard to be better and she told me if i try she would always be there. yet she cant even sleep next to me at night. i know im not the person she wants to be with, shes told me her ideal woman. me and my problems dont fit the bill. im too much with my past. i guess all that questioning of am i capable of love, well i got my answer. my heart has been breaking for months. but im very good at burying my feelings. im very good at shutting down. i dont know where to go anymore. no friends, no family. she is literally all i have left. just so lost, so tired of pain. why cant anyone love me? what the hell is so wrong with me? i dont have anyone to turn to for comfort. every so called friend, every so called family member is too involved in their own lives to be there for me, not like ive been for them. i got no car, no license, no job, nothing. where can i go? who can i talk to? who will comfort me when the only person i have has pulled away? please, i just want the pain to stop. i just want to be happy.
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