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About this blog

Learning to live with the struggles of csa. Breaking free of the pain and memories by working through them and facing my fears and past ghosts. Learning from both past and present good and bad

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why im doing this

I am not new to this community. I have tried to do a blog before but failed at it. Recent events have brought me back here and I feel that it is important for me to do this. My therapist said a blog is kind of like a journal entry and you can write whatever, so I think I will share the recent events that have brought me to do the blog and a bit about my background. At the age of 4 I began to be sexually abused along with my brother by our babysitter, mother and her many boyfriends. Growing
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the chains tighten

Well, I've been trying to think of how to write this entry and even more on what to title it, still not sure the title is correct, but I am trying. Since, my brother, who i when through child sexual abuse, physical mental and emotional abuse with took his life the nightmares have come back. they seem to be of the abuse that we went through together. they went away for so long. i dont understand why they have come back now. i have been dealing with the abuse in therapy, well until now because of
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searching for hope

Well i know its been since last year since i wrote so much has happened. since my brothers suicide i couldnt handle it any more and came really close to the edge of SH and so i went into inpatient to get some help to deal with the feeling surrounding it and also got my meds regulated at the same time. i am in no means "better". im searching for the light right now. im searching for hope. i try to see the good in things but right now even though i did go inpatient i still hurt. i hurt because he
amallison0084

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my heart is breaking

Well, yesterday  was my first Thanksgiving without my brother. As ive written he took his life a couple of months ago. so thus leaving this my first holiday without him. we went through csa together so pretty much everything in my mind and logic should be a peace of cake after that. Boy was i way off track and wrong. i thought i would be able to handle it with style and grace. after all i had his ashes so in a way he was there in "presence". also along that line he was there in spirit that shoul
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