Abused By My Brother For 10 Yrs

[babigirl]

Hi all, i am new to this, i never spoke about it until i was 21, my family told me to deal with it, my brother and i have an embedded hatred for one another. i am 25 now, almost 26, my fiance knew about it and is trying to help me deal with the issues.

the problem is the closer we get, the worse the guilt gets....

why is it we get left in the dark when it comes to how these issues affect our grown up life...

please can someone help me...

babigirl

[livelifethewayuwant2]

sometimes it takes a while for your mind to finally break down and accept what happend and for you to feel the effects, its a shame anything has everhappend to us, any of us. im truely sorry for what you have bin though. Were all here to help you hun, pm me when ever okay? just let us know when you need some support. Were all here.. un derstanding and supporting one another .. i hope you feel better with time sweetie xxxxx

[babigirl]

sometimes it takes a while for your mind to finally break down and accept what happend and for you to feel the effects, its a shame anything has everhappend to us, any of us. im truely sorry for what you have bin though. Were all here to help you hun, pm me when ever okay? just let us know when you need some support. Were all here.. un derstanding and supporting one another .. i hope you feel better with time sweetie xxxxx

thanx... i never thought there would be people out there to help... everyday seems a bit better, but sometimes i just want to scream.....

today is a good day...

thank you again

[brobbitt]

Hi,

"why is it we get left in the dark when it comes to how these issues affect our grown up life..."

I think its about a couple of things. Firstly it is about fear andpeople not wanting to believe that such a thing is possible, so they run and hide from it. Secondly I think it is about the people in our lives hoping that the problem will go away by itself, without the awkwardness of having to walk up to it...

Generally we carry guilt because we feel partly to blame for the things that have happened to us (or we look back through adult eyes and judge ourselves for not acting differently) , although when looked at and investigated through therapy, it is more than likely that we will see things differently.

I don't know your story so its difficult to comment, but I would bet my house on the fact that you were not to blame and therefore should not experience any guilt,turning this into reality though is more difficult than just my saying those words I know...

Hopethis helps and feel freeto pm if you want to discuss further..

All the very best

Brian

Hi all, i am new to this, i never spoke about it until i was 21, my family told me to deal with it, my brother and i have an embedded hatred for one another. i am 25 now, almost 26, my fiance knew about it and is trying to help me deal with the issues.

the problem is the closer we get, the worse the guilt gets....

why is it we get left in the dark when it comes to how these issues affect our grown up life...

please can someone help me...

babigirl

[Donna]

Welcome to AS honey. :hug:

[Jane]

Welcome to AS, I hope you can find the support you are looking for.

[Venia]

Welcome to the after silence community

Love Meg x

[thriver]

Hi and welcome. I think ending our silence is one of the biggest parts toward breaking the cycle. Abuse is very prominent in our country and, like you and me, it can go on for years. It is good that you are here and you never know how telling your story might just help someone else. I think what you speak of is shame and it is a common thing for survivors to be burdened with. Many abusers use the shame as a way to keep us silent. But, you are breaking the silence, now. Good for you!

[Jessie]

Welcome to AS Babigirl.

[Cat2005]

I am sorry to hear of the dreadful circumstances that have brought you here but i am so glad that you have found us, i hope you can find all the help and support you are looking for Take care xoxox

Cat

Edited February 1, 2006 by Cat2005

[snowdrop]

HI babigirl. Welcome to AS from another newbie!

Take really good care of yourself,

love from Laura xxx

[daney]

Hi all, i am new to this, i never spoke about it until i was 21, my family told me to deal with it, my brother and i have an embedded hatred for one another. i am 25 now, almost 26, my fiance knew about it and is trying to help me deal with the issues.

the problem is the closer we get, the worse the guilt gets....

why is it we get left in the dark when it comes to how these issues affect our grown up life...

please can someone help me...

babigirl

I wish that I could say I know what your going through, but I can't. I am just learning all of this with my children. The first piece of advice that I would give anyone, if you can press charges against your brother, make him pay for what he has done to you. It just isn't right that you are paying a very high price alone.

If your fiance is helping you deal with this, let him, yes i'm sure that it will get hard, and you will want to push him away. Ask him how he really feels, if he loves you and wants to marry you that should say alot. Although with the way that you feel I'm sure you won't feel that way.

I have found out that talking about my story is a start to the healing process. I have alot of anger and hatred towards my older son. So I can respect that you hate your brother, I would.

I really do hope that you get the help that you are asking for, you have already taken the first step, in time I do hope that it will get easier for you.

[selene]

Hey!

Was abused by my brother too and didn't speak about it for over a decade. I don't have advice to offer - but I'm sending hugs and I hope you find your way to happiness again.

Lots of love

Selene

[kirstinrocks]

Honey i know your pain. I too suffered abuse from my brother for 9 years. Im sorry i have no words of advice but i wanted you to know you are not alone. Keep talking to us hun

Take care

Kirstin