brobbitt

Secondary Survivors
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About brobbitt

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Liverpool England

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  • MembershipType
    Supporter or secondary survivor

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  • Website URL
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  1. Hi Bluejean and welcome to the site. "I have come here to get some outside support and opinions about my predicament from people who are not parcial to me". If I can help at all then feel free to PM me, or via open mail. Best wishes with it all Brian
  2. Hi Hannie, welcome to the site. I dont know if you know it or not, but there is an excellent U.S site for survivors of PTSD, that gives some excellent insights and support tips (I found the videos facinating and inspiring). If you want to take a look it is here www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp Take a look in the info centre for starters. Good luck with it Hannie and welcome again Brian
  3. Welcome to the group. I hoep this place brings all that you hope for yourself. Brian
  4. I hear your great desire to move forward from where you find yourself. Experiencing yourself as dying inside 10 years ago felt so terrible to me upon hearing it, the desolation of nothingness within :o( I believe that human beings have something within called the actualising tendency. An inner light, the very spark that means, we, as human beings, aspire to a higher level of functioning, to be and to feel the best that we can be and feel. Terrible experiences such as yours shatter that light, turn it into a tiny flame, flickering in that dark place that has been shattered, the flame doused by the reservoir of tears falling around it. I believe that it never fully goes out though, and I believe fully that it can again be turned into a roaring inferno, driving us onward towards personal development. It is most likely to do this if the right circumstances exist, and by this I mean we have to find ourselves in a safe place, where we don't feel judged, where people are genuine / real with us and a place were we can experience ongoing empathy. Indeed a place such as this. I stand back in amazement at how, given your circumstances, you have persevered through those dark times and wondered if you can acknowlege that of yourself? Some times, just how strong and brave we have had to be can be lost to us. Far from the 10 years being wasted, it feels like you have taken an incredibly tough journey, a mountainous tough journey, as all survivors do, just to get here. But now you are here, maybe sit a while and simply rest, take the time to be you. There is much healing to be found in simply doing this. Allow that flame the chance to grow, to burn brighter, to guide your way, towards all of the things you wish for yourself. I wish these things for you very much, mostly because like all survivors, this isn;t too much to ask for and is so deserved. Best wishes Brian
  5. Thanks so much for your lovely comments everyone. Brian
  6. Just a line to say Hi to everyone who knows me. Uni is out at the moment so I'm back for a little while. Have been working hard at Uni (only one year and a bit left) and have established my own private counselling practice at the same time (As well as working full time - blinkin exhausted :o). Never forgot the place that gave me the strength to go on and do all of this I.E 'here'. So sad to see the note relating to Meg :o( It goes without saying that she was a truly lovely human being and there aren't enough Megs in the world these days, which means she will be doubly missed :o( Hoping everyone is well and look forward to speaking with you all soon Brian
  7. Hi Sonnet and welcome to the group. Hope it brings that which you seek.. Brian
  8. Hi Kath, welcome to the group.. "This is my first entry and am nervous just typing!" You have been very brave, well done you!! "I had always imagined it to be a strange man jumping out from behind a bush on a dark night dragging me away kicking and screaming but it wasnt like that at all when it did happen." And so sadly you now know that its generally the complete opposite of this :o( So as well as trying to deal with everything else, you may also have had your faith in humankind shaken too :o( "I blame myself for not kicking and screaming and i keep making excuses for my perpetrator even though i know i shouldnt." See sometimes its very human to internalise things and generally the easiest thing to do is to blame onself :o(.. but it wasn't your fault Kath. I'm sure that there are many survivors here who did kick and scream and very sadly they are still here too aren't they :o( "I want him to hurt too but he probably doesn't even think he has done anything wrong." And why wouldn't you want this, you probably feel so angry right now, again it is so human to feel this way. "I have been in therapy every week for 6 months and still get flashbacks several times a day which makes me uncomfortable and anxious . I still hold a lot of anger for him even thought its wasted energy." In therapy have you disclosed everything to your counsellor, or is this still to difficult for you right now? Are you working on the feelings in your therapy and are you given an outlet to express how angry you feel? "Only my fiance knows what happened and its tiring pretending i'm managing ok especially when i get a flashback when i'm with him." Yes, so difficult trying to be something your not for a long time and usually trying to save someone elses feelings usually comes at the expense of our own :o( "Will this experience stay with me always? Does it ever go away or get any easier? How can i find a place for the memories to go where they dont bother me so much?" The experience, or the memory of the experience will probably always be there, but, the way you 'feel' about the experience and look back at it, can change as you fully deal with the issues that result from the memory.Ask your therapist to help you to find a safe place in your mind (or about any other coping mechanisms), this can be achieved by use of mental imagery sometimes (it doesnt work for everyone, but when it does this can be a real safe haven to drop anchor in sometimes), basically this entails remembering a place from your past where you felt very safe and taking yourself on a mental journey to that by use of relaxation techniques. This may help with the flash backs.. "Confused but trying." And you say a lot in these few words don't you, and these few words are the most important on your journey towards healing and feeling better, the more you work to break through the confusion, the harder you keep trying can feel at times like it is all for nothing, but long term it is the key to beating this. So hope so for you Brian
  9. New

    Hi and Welcome to A.S, "My main concern about me being here...is why do I need to be here? It's been 7 months. It seems like so long ago, yet it bothers me everyday." I guess if something within you suggests that you may need to be here, to experience some empathy and support for a while then its probably right to trust those feelings.. "It wasn't a violent act where he physical force. He more coerced me into doing it. But I did it, so does it count? I'm so confused. He didn't rape me. He almost did. I hope I can find support here...because some of my friends have kind of abandoned me or thought I was weird/sl*t." I guess if what happened feels wrong to you, has left you feeling the way you do, then it very probably was :o( Being judged by your friends can mean so many esteem and self doubt issues, important then that you find some balance versus this and I feel that this is what this site offers most - empathy, understanding and belief - noone will doubt you here.. "Hmmm this took me 45 minutes to write...I'm pretty out of it...just got back from therapy and it was pretty hard. " And this speaks volumes about where you are right now doesn't it :o(...Try to take the time to understand what takes place here, try to be kind to you and your feelings right now (because you so deserve that kindness) You are very welcome here and look forward to hearing from you more in the future. Here if you ever need a chat.. Brian
  10. Hi Bohica and welcome to the group, so hope you find that which you seek here! "I am about to start a new round of therapy to get to the deepest, darkest, nastiest things that were left over from all the other therapy. I can't blame the counselors from before; they didn't know as much about the effects as they do now. WE (and others like us) are the ones who give them their insight." As a counsellor I couldn't agree more with your final comments. If only all counsellors could be humble enough to recognise this and that clients never fit into neat little packages and if only all clients could be so forgiving when counsellors come up short :o(... "That place that is most spiritual and which I spent the most time cleansing. I have been pushed so far in the last couple of years that there is nothing but darkness there." I hope that you learn to find 'light' again when in this place Bohica. "I am looking to expand my support system to include those who understand that dark place and the work it takes to enlighten it. And as favorite book says, "we teach best what we need most to learn." I have learned many things along the way that although at the moment, they seem to have been temporarily been lost to me, someone here may spark something in me that I may find helpful. We need others." Only my experience, but the greatest healing comes from the close relationships forged with others, experiencing acceptance, none judgement, warmth and respect ( I consider this to be a form of love), I think you will find this here, I hope so for you. I loved the quote you used above, would you mind letting me know which book that comes from please. I intend to make a powerpoint page of it and hang it on the wall in my study, to remind me that I will always have much to learn (a good reminder to others who visit too). Welcome again Brian
  11. Hi and welcome to the goup.. What a sad story, sounds like that little boy should be here too doesn't it :o( Hope you find the things you seek here and welcome again Brian
  12. Hi and welcome to the group..hope it brings that which you seek.. Brian
  13. Hi and welcome to the group, "I don't really talk about this, so this is pretty hard for me. " And in this you are a reflection of how it may be for many other survivors too :o( "I'm 36 years old and have pretty well dealt with everything but sometimes just want to talk to someone." I'm glad you have found this place and hope that you find the support that you are looking for here. I think you will. "I was molested when I was about 8 years old by a neighbor, a female teenager. Started slowly then escalated over a couple of years. I've always known what happened and have firm memories of the time but never told anyone. And to this day I never plan on telling anyone in my family - I don't want them to feel any guilt." I felt terribly sad when reading this, all of these memories, feelings and emotions that you have had to deal with alone:o( I cant begin to imagine how difficult that must have been :o( At the same time you dont get the benefit of the love and acceptance that your family may have to offer you :o( "The older I get the more I realize that there are some issues that I haven't worked out and I think (hope) talking about it here may help with some of that." Sometimes the fear of speaking out is overcome by the pain of holding these things in, it feels like you may have arrived at this point. I hope that this place brings all that hope for. Best wishes Brian
  14. I am in total awe of the wisdom and level of self understanding that exists within this group. The responses above are fantastic !!! Brian
  15. Do you know, the things that we need to say to ourselves are generally much more profound and important than anything we need to say to others. In coming here you are in a sense connecting with yourself, being kind to yourself, listening to yourself... This is a real starting point. You have every right to be here!! Brian