Hey, I'm New

[hurtingandinpaingirl]

Hey everyone,

I have to say I am glad I found this site. For a long time I thought that I was the only person in this world that is going through this. I was raped and beat until I was just about dead a little over a year ago by a college friend. I thought that I could just push this aside and get over it but instead I have closed myself off from everyone and everything. I am still hurting and blame myself every single day for what happened. I have only told 2 people about this and they keep telling me it's not my fault. I want to believe them but I just can't get it through my head. I can't walk outside by myself or do anything anymore for the fear of him being there. I have not reported it...I want to...but then again I am so freaked out about doing that. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't walk around for the rest of my life afraid to trust and go out. I am just physically and mentally tired and hurt. I want to feel better and move on. Please I just need some encouragement to keep going day by day. I have no one to talk to here. I feel like I am lliving a lie all the time because I have this horrible secret. ): When will this be over? When can I find the courage to report? I'm sorry for venting all this..just had to get it out.

Tabbi

[Maddie50]

and a warm welcome to AS. I am sorry you have had to go through such a terrible ordeal but so pleased you found this site. I hope you will find lots of support here.

I have.

XXX

[prezioso]

hey tabbi!

I'm new here too. i just joined a couple days ago. i really think your going to find what you need here. i know its already helping me. what you went through is NOT your fault, never forget that. what he did to you was terrible and there is no excuse for his actions. remember you are not alone in this. we are all here for you whenever you need to talk. its guna be hard, i know, but i promise you'll get through this. you will be able to go on with you life. just hang in there and be strong.

hugs if okay

[sisterinsurvival]

Hi Tabbi,

My name is Lynn, and I am a member of the New Member Support Team. I just wanted to take the time to say welcome to After Silence.

I hope that you find comfort and support here. I know that I have found the strength to face another day many times through the words and presence of those dear ones who make this site a true "community." I am glad that you have joined with us and look forward to getting to know you. If you need anything or have questions about the boards or how something works, please send me a personal message. I will gladly help in any way possible...also if you need someone to listen, let me know.

Take care,

Your Sister in Survival,

Lynn

Edited November 7, 2008 by sisterinsurvival

[whimsical1]

Tabbi, and welcome to AS!

[hurtingandinpaingirl]

Hey everyone,

I have to say I am glad I found this site. For a long time I thought that I was the only person in this world that is going through this. I was raped and beat until I was just about dead a little over a year ago by a college friend. I thought that I could just push this aside and get over it but instead I have closed myself off from everyone and everything. I am still hurting and blame myself every single day for what happened. I have only told 2 people about this and they keep telling me it's not my fault. I want to believe them but I just can't get it through my head. I can't walk outside by myself or do anything anymore for the fear of him being there. I have not reported it...I want to...but then again I am so freaked out about doing that. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't walk around for the rest of my life afraid to trust and go out. I am just physically and mentally tired and hurt. I want to feel better and move on. Please I just need some encouragement to keep going day by day. I have no one to talk to here. I feel like I am lliving a lie all the time because I have this horrible secret. ): When will this be over? When can I find the courage to report? I'm sorry for venting all this..just had to get it out.

Tabbi

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement...they have already helped. It's good to know that I am not alone. Hugs to all!

[silenced42long]

Hi and Welcome to AS!!

[kimbees324]

Tabbi,

I am really sorry for the things that led you here ut I am glad that you found your way to AS. Take your time and look around; I am sure that you will be feeling comfortable and at home in no time. There are a lot of great people here who will offer you the support and encouragement you are looking for and deserve. I look forward to seeing you around the board.

Take good care of yourself, ok?

[giselleflores]

Hey, I'm Giselle. Welcome to the site

[oui,mais]

hey!!

welcome to AS!!

if ok?

[longingforhappiness]

I'm sorry for the things that led you here but so glad you found this site. I am new to this site too and it is really helping me already. I hope you will soon relize it was not your fault. It was not your fault you are the victim and I just hope with lots of encouraging words from members on this site and people around you that will help you regain trust for others and help you to see it was not and is not your fault sweetie. May every day make you nothing but stronger.

[LizzyGirl]

Hi, Welcome to AS!!!

Liz

[probably]

Hello and welcome to AS

[aperson]

Hi and welcome to AS!!

[cool1]

Hi,

I am glad you found AS. Please know that you are not alone.

[angelic]

Hi and welcome to AS

[noemotion]

I know what you are going through. Firstly you need to find someone to talk to about your ordeal. I am finally talking to a therapist 28 years after my first incident of abuse. And the road for me is hell because I tried to hide it all.

But seek out someone to talk to. There is counselling from local church groups, women's groups, even at the hospitals or mental health services.

But you need to talk about it. I am finally feeling that I can get through this because I have a great therapist. He picks me up when I am down.

As for reporting it, it is up to you. I strongly would consider reporting it to the police. I did not because I was told my family would be greatly hurt if I did. And my abuser had beat up members of my family. No one ever pressed charges. I know today if anyone ever hurt me, I would report them in a minutes notice. I am not the same person anymore. I am getting to be a stronger person, and having been in therapy only for 5 months. Like I said my therapist has helped me so much.

When I was abused by my brother I would lay in bed for days not going to school, not wanting to face anyone.

Same thing when I was raped repeatedly - I would stay in bed for days not going to work, not eating not doing anything.

When I left the relationship in 1994 again I would lay in bed for days, weeks. I was in a deep depression, and never got any help. I did seek out counselling but it was not helpful.

Today I am feeling better than I have ever felt. I suggest you go to your doctor and tell him or her what happened. I finally broke down and told a doctor in March of this year - when my dad died. Again I was not functioning laying in bed for days, not eating. I was not a pretty sight. My doctor prescribed me antidepressants and I can say that I feel better than I have in many many years.

So seek out help from your doctor, my doctor was great. And if you cant tell him, write him a letter. I could not speak about it, so I wrote a letter to him. It was he that put me in touch with his friend who is a therapist. I am thankful for them both, they work together to make me feel better.

Dont do this alone. Please sweetie reach out and ask for help. You can do it, and you will be a better person because of it. I know you are suffering and in pain, but you can get better. Take it from one who has been there. You are worth it - seek out help TODAY

[tuliptorn]

Welcome to AS.