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Leaha100

How to stop feeling scared

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My sexual assault was not brutal, prolonged or violent. It was someone I knew. I pulled myself together eventually and reported it and he was charged and it went to trial.There began my nightmare. The police case was brutal, they made mistakes and he was aquitted. After that he hounded me via his new partner who is a police officer.I had warned her he was not safe after learning of his vile history to women  and she had her own police force arrest me and I was charged with malicious communication. That process took 2 years ontop of the time for the investigation and trial. When that went to court he decided he did not want to give evidence against me so the case was dropped and is now the subject of police and cps complaint as the case was so biased I now have to go through compaints process that keep this evil individual in my every waking thought process and worse in my dreams.I feel terrified evry time I see a police officer, reporting this although he was charged was the worst mistake of my life and destroyed my life. I haven't been able to work and suffer with serious PTSD. I can't get my head around the whole situation, and because he was supported by his partners police force albeit they did not know some of the evidence that later emerged against him, because they were so biased, I never feel safe. It has affected every aspect of my life. I can't trust anything and I feel so stuck. I am constantly ashamed of myself that I feel so frightened everyday and I dont know how to stop feeling scared. I had therapy but it hasn't helped and I seem stuck in a cycle of fear that I can't get past. 

 

 

 

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@Leaha100, hello, and welcome to AS!

I'm so sorry to hear of what you've been through!  I have not gone through the reporting process but I can certainly understand fear and how debilitating it can be!  It seems that is often what holds us back as we proceed throughout our own healing journeys, and it takes time to jump those hurdles.

You've taken a big step by joining our community here, though - the people are absolutely fantastic and supportive and non-judgemental.   I truly hope that as you get to know your way around this site, you soon begin to feel less ashamed and more safe.  

If you ever need to chat, you're welcome to reach out. :)

Best wishes,
Capulet

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Hi, Leaha100, and welcome! :wave: I’m sorry you went through all that.  It sounds horrible. Glad you found this site. 

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8 hours ago, Leaha100 said:

My sexual assault was not brutal, prolonged or violent. It was someone I knew. I pulled myself together eventually and reported it and he was charged and it went to trial.There began my nightmare. The police case was brutal, they made mistakes and he was aquitted. After that he hounded me via his new partner who is a police officer.I had warned her he was not safe after learning of his vile history to women  and she had her own police force arrest me and I was charged with malicious communication. That process took 2 years ontop of the time for the investigation and trial. When that went to court he decided he did not want to give evidence against me so the case was dropped and is now the subject of police and cps complaint as the case was so biased I now have to go through compaints process that keep this evil individual in my every waking thought process and worse in my dreams.I feel terrified evry time I see a police officer, reporting this although he was charged was the worst mistake of my life and destroyed my life. I haven't been able to work and suffer with serious PTSD. I can't get my head around the whole situation, and because he was supported by his partners police force albeit they did not know some of the evidence that later emerged against him, because they were so biased, I never feel safe. It has affected every aspect of my life. I can't trust anything and I feel so stuck. I am constantly ashamed of myself that I feel so frightened everyday and I dont know how to stop feeling scared. I had therapy but it hasn't helped and I seem stuck in a cycle of fear that I can't get past.

Hi Leaha,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma that you endured and your remaining struggles. Altho the police failed you (and failed you huge), you were very brave to come forward. It is very unfair to go thru all you did, only to have it turn around on you. I know it is not much help to you, at least the trial is on record, which means he will be looked at very closely if and when another woman files a complaint. You still need to heal from your trauma, as well. Even if not brutal, prolonged or violent...it was wrong and a violation of consent, being, and trust. Reaching out to other survivors hopefully will help you with that. I do wish you the best with your struggles and your journey of healing.

Mary

:notalone:

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