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    Powerlifting, knitting, singing, poetry, yelping, beauty, and finding inner peace.

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  1. I finally figured out what I want for my birthday, I need to meet my real dad. I need to talk to him and then let go of the past.
  2. tkkt

    One Step at a Time

    My birthday is coming up soon. I'm not happy at where I am in life, I imagined being this age and doing greater things. I guess that is my own fault really. I'll be celebrating my one and half year soon... that's a really long time for me. I've never been able to have a long relationship even though all I ever wanted was one. It's sad what abandonment and trust issues can do to a young girl. Well, I'm glad I found him. I know he is the love of my life and he will help me get through this
  3. tkkt

    Forgive and Forget

    Forgive, forgive, forgive... can I do that? I could, but the real question is should I? Should I forgive him for telling me to lie about what I did? Jeopardizing my relationship with my mother?.. my mother, the one person I love most in this world. Why would would ask me to do that for you after what you've done? Why the hell should I forgive you when you've done it multiple times, you and your brother. Do you know how many nights I cried and how many times I started crying at those memories? The last time before this incident was two years ago. Two damn years ago and I still haven't forgotten where I was sitting, what I was doing, what he said, his facial expression, the way I felt before, during, and after... YOU WANT ME TO FORGIVE? YOU WANT ME TO FORGET THIS? Are you joking? ... don't tell me to do that again or I will put those kickboxing lessons to use. So no. You don't get a say in if you get forgiven or not. I will never forget this. I'll use this to propel me into the future. From now on, you'll live each day knowing that I will never forgive you and when you look at me you'll regret what you have done. You missed out on all that beautiful father-daughter relationship we could have had.
  4. tkkt


    I am deeply sorry that you had to deal with that. No one should ever have to deal with that. You are so kind to take care of your mother. I honestly would have left her on the streets and left her to fend for herself the way she did to you. You're so forgiving and that takes so much strength. I really do think you're an inspiration. Here is what I have to say: Life is too short to be unhappy. Forget the stereotypical "American dream", where you have to work 9-5, have a perfect family, pay bills, sit in traffic, be unhappy, have 2.5 kids .. do what you want. You've suffered enough and you deserve to be happy for the rest of your life. Don't let anyone else hold you down. If you're tired of this, leave. Take a trip some where, discover your passions, and what it feels to be happy again. You before anyone else... this is your life. After many years of abuse.. I found the courage to leave and moved 2,000 miles away from my life on the east coast. I found happiness, I still struggle, but I'm much happier. I hope you'll find that happiness too.
  5. tkkt


    I feel the same way too... it's so nice to see that someone really understands how I feel. I still feel like what is the point of doing anything, why should I, and often hopeless. Hey, don't let them win. You have to show those that try to oppress you that you're strong and you're better off without them. I channeled my anger and depression into me improving my life. The best kind of revenge is happiness. I hope you'll find peace. When I'm having a bad day I listen to "No more bad days" from This Wild Life. Give it a try and feel better! There is hope!
  6. My boyfriend doesn't understand why I can't trust men. I can't because they have all had a history of hurting me. I know he might not be like the others but I have to be careful. I didn't think that those other men would hurt me like that, but they did. You know why? Because the ones you love the most always ends up being the one to hurt you the most.
  7. tkkt

    Facing my molester

    I see him everyday. Every damn day of my life and I have to put up with it. Some days I miss how things were between us, some days I have these vindictive thoughts. I want to hear him sorry. I think that's what I need. I need everyone in my family to stop pretending that it didn't happen. I need them to face the damn facts. I was molested multiples times and I didn't speak up because I didn't want to tear the family apart. The last time it happened I couldn't take it anymore, I broke... I'm broken, okay? So instead of trying to duct tape me up and ignoring my wounds, will you all please sit the hell down and listen to me? I may be young but I was forced to mature when I was young. Please don't disregard what I have to say because I'm young. Please care about my damn feelings.
  8. tkkt

    Today was a good day

    I was at peace writing in my journal, listening to music, and taking walks. I was happy today. I got through the day without crying or seeing flashes of that night. That's a major achievement for me. Today I felt loved by my grandmother, best friend, and boyfriend. They kept me going today. They showed me that they still genuinely care and love me. There is hope...
  9. After joining this site I realized that a lot of you feel exactly how I feel. You take the words right out of my mouth. Some times I feel like it was all made up in my head and it wasn't real. Some times I feel like I can forgive. Sometimes I start crying out of nowhere. Sometimes I start to feel hopeless and depressed and other times I feel powerful. Overall, I'm just glad I found this and I found you all.
  10. tkkt


    Beautiful.. this really spoke to me. Thank you so much!
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