This is Copper, posting with permission from Skye. I do know the rules, and I intend to honor them.

I thought of posting this in all kinds of different places, but ultimately, nowhere seemed to fit. So to the blog I go.

Sucky as I am at keeping track of time, I do know that people generally have one birthday per year. Grey's birthday is in the middle of August. Last year I went to her house for the first time to celebrate it. Tomorrow I go again.

What a lot has happened in this year.

This time last year, I had barely begun to accept the idea of being a multiple. I remember at one point last year, I nearly fell down a flight of stairs because an Insider panicked halfway down. I still don't know who that was, but I have improved at keeping my balance in the face of strongly-emoting Insiders.

In the past year, I have gotten to know a number of my Insiders. I have learned how to keep the body on track even when someone else is in control. I have learned to step aside gracefully when someone else, even an unknown Insider, wishes to talk to Aqua.

I also have gotten very well acquainted with the Jerks. I have learned to always keep a clear margin in my workspace so if I fall over, I won't break anything important. Including my skull.

I have come a huge way in trusting my therapeutic team. Aqua's gift of a baseball cap had a huge impact in that.

I have taken steps toward understanding the programming inside this head. I have learned how to write things down without allowing them to engage.

For the first time, I am angry. I am angry at the people who did this to a tiny child. I am furious at people who deliberately shattered my one mind into many.

One year ago, I spent a weekend with Grey. I remember feeling fragile, like the slightest harshness could shatter me. Knowing what I do now of DID, it is possible. New Insiders have been created in this past year. There is not much material left to be broken apart, and what there is, is brittle. That's okay, I guess. Now I know to be aware.

My heart hurts. That, at least, has not changed. I'm less afraid of Grey's parents, but I'm still wary of them. Will they ever know this? Not a chance. But simply because he is male, and he is a dad, I will be keeping a careful eye on Grey's father. Her mother adores me, and still I am so very careful. Neither parent has ever offered me harm...and yet a huge part (and most of my parts) of me is scared to death of both of them.

That hasn't changed much in the past 12 months.

I'm tired. This time last year, I did not know the meaning of the word. Now I do. Now I spend the majority of my time feeling like I need a double shot of espresso. Recently I was literally so exhausted that my legs gave out. Now I understand how someone can fall down from exhaustion.

I've been cutting a lot lately. It's a rotten way of dealing with stress, but it works for me. Aqua knows about it, but we agree that unless and until I cross a certain threshold there are more pressing things for us to worry on.

One year. It has been one whole year.

Yikes.