eternalsunshine's Blog

I feel exactly the same. It's been 1 and a half years for me.

I remember walking down the street with my sister a few months ago and she said "It's like you've died" Everything seems harder doesn't it? Whether it's functioning in a job or having to sit amongst people discussing this type of crime and have to act completely oblivious.

I no longer fear what's already happened, I'm like you I fear those watching, although now I think I'm waiting for the worst.

Do you think that we just have to acccept this life, we were the unlucky ones so now we must just live with it?

First off, I want to say that I'm sorry for what you've gone through and still are facing each day. It's almost been two years for me, and I feel somewhat the same as well. I look back at the "old me" and it's like I have all of these memories but they're from a person who was someone else. I don't even have an emotional attachment to some things, they're just there. It's difficult to go through each day this way. Difficult is an understatement even.

It's hard to NOT be afraid walking around in public. I completely get that. What helps me (a little anyhow) is exaggerating the differences between men I see and my perpetrator (clothes, eyes, hair color, build, etc), I tell myself that I'm within ear shot of other people if I scream/yell.. If I'm in a mall or something I'm on edge, but feel safer knowing that I'm likely not to be hurt because I'm in such a visible area.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's lots of little things you can do to bring yourself some sort of comfort. I think that eventually time will start to heal scars, but you will never be the same person you were before. None of us will be. You're not alone in your struggles.. Also, before I forget. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. I look at men in a skeptical manner. I have a boyfriend, but I can't feel an affection towards him any longer. I don't feel in love with him. I can't. The physical relationship between us is about the only thing there. I used to be a die-hard romantic as well. I hope that those parts of me will someday come back, but for now I'm just working on healing and learning to cope and deal with this "new me"

Here to support you.

BrokenRoots

I feel exactly the same. It's been 1 and a half years for me.

I remember walking down the street with my sister a few months ago and she said "It's like you've died" Everything seems harder doesn't it? Whether it's functioning in a job or having to sit amongst people discussing this type of crime and have to act completely oblivious.

I no longer fear what's already happened, I'm like you I fear those watching, although now I think I'm waiting for the worst.

Do you think that we just have to acccept this life, we were the unlucky ones so now we must just live with it?

My old friends say the same thing! "It's like a part of you died.." EVERY thing is harder, you're right. I never thought about it that way but it's true. I feel like I'm always looking over my shoulder every where I go. I'm not really sure where to go from here... whether I accept this way of life or change something. So I'm totally in the same boat.

It feels nice knowing others going through the exact same thing.

First off, I want to say that I'm sorry for what you've gone through and still are facing each day. It's almost been two years for me, and I feel somewhat the same as well. I look back at the "old me" and it's like I have all of these memories but they're from a person who was someone else. I don't even have an emotional attachment to some things, they're just there. It's difficult to go through each day this way. Difficult is an understatement even.

It's hard to NOT be afraid walking around in public. I completely get that. What helps me (a little anyhow) is exaggerating the differences between men I see and my perpetrator (clothes, eyes, hair color, build, etc), I tell myself that I'm within ear shot of other people if I scream/yell.. If I'm in a mall or something I'm on edge, but feel safer knowing that I'm likely not to be hurt because I'm in such a visible area.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's lots of little things you can do to bring yourself some sort of comfort. I think that eventually time will start to heal scars, but you will never be the same person you were before. None of us will be. You're not alone in your struggles.. Also, before I forget. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. I look at men in a skeptical manner. I have a boyfriend, but I can't feel an affection towards him any longer. I don't feel in love with him. I can't. The physical relationship between us is about the only thing there. I used to be a die-hard romantic as well. I hope that those parts of me will someday come back, but for now I'm just working on healing and learning to cope and deal with this "new me"

Here to support you.

BrokenRoots

Thank you so much for your kind words. I truly appreciate it. Trying to get myself to think more logically, like observing I'm within earshot of others, is great advice. I will try that now.

It's a huge relief that you also feel detached on the emotional level with men as well, I have yet to encounter someone else who shares that with me. I was starting to think I was going crazy. How could ONE awful action, change me and my life forever? It just astounds me.