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For a long time while *greg1* was raping me I pretended to be asleep. I kept pretending it was ok as long as I didnt talk about it or "wake up". I'd gotten used to the pain in my vagina and was sometimes actually asleep while he did it. I knew he did because when I woke up, I wouldn't be wearing underwear anymore. At this point my mom thought our landlord was stealing my underwear for her kids. Unfortunately he is also why its difficult for me to listen or speak Spanish. It brings back too many bad memories. Remember I was 8 years old at the time, this was all being engraved in my brain. I think it was at this point I began falling into a sort of depression, I do remember being suicidal. School was my only escape but sometimes he'd keep me home. On bad days I would knock myself out by slamming the back of my head against the metal bed frame. I hated being awake while he used me.
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