New Secondary Survivor

[ginnybean]

Hello there I posted my story in "Share Your Story" but thought I would introduce myself. I am the mother of a survivor of sexual abuse. She was only 9 when it started and she broke her silence at 12yrs old. She is now 14 and doing fantastic. Her step father was the abuser and has yet to be sentenced for what he did to her. This is a source of pain for me. Him not paying yet for what he did to her. I also have a son who dosnt know what happened to his sister. I feel hes too young but we did have to tell him his father did hurt a child and thats why he cant see him. I cant tell you how glad I am that I found this site. I have been so tortured by guilt for not knowing what went on with my daughter I had a nervous breakdown this past Nov and had to be hospitalized. I stopped eating completely. My mind was just not rational at the time. Anyway thanks for being here because I'll be needing you all.

[jillian57]

welcome! i'm so sorry that your daughter had to go through this. you and your daughter are not alone. pm me anytime. we are all here for you. keep on keeping on.

Jill

[CJ]

Welcome to AS, i hope you can find all the support and information for you and your daughter here

[RainbowSprinklesMom]

Welcome to AS

[AfricanConnection]

Hey ginnybean, Welcome to AS!

I also found this site due to the fact my daughter was abused by my ex. I am also a survivor which really bothers me because I thought I'd be conscious of any signs of abuse. Needless to say, this site has been very helpful and there are some amazing people here.

Anytime you need to talk, just PM me. I don't come here often so might not get right back to you....but I will!

Michelle

[ginnybean]

Thank you all for welcoming me. It makes me feel so much better knowing there are other mothers who know what Im going through.

I know I wont get an answer to this but when does the guilt for not knowing the abuse was going on go away? That is my number one problem and it eats away at me everyday.

Thanks for any replies.

[John]

Hi Ginneybean,

Welcome to AfterSilence, I'm very sorry for what happened to your daughter, and thank-you for being there for her, you sound like a very good mother who truly loves her daughter, and I am very glad she has you there for support.

You are also more then welcome to introduce your daughter to this site if you feel that it will help her in her healing, often being with people who she can relate to can be very helpful in the healing process - but of course only when you feel ready to, and feel comfortable with this site yourself

Please take gentle care of yourself, and feel free to PM me anytime - remember we are here to help

John

[John]

I know I wont get an answer to this but when does the guilt for not knowing the abuse was going on go away? That is my number one problem and it eats away at me everyday.

From a mothers perspective I honestly don't know, but please know it wasn't you fault that the abuse was happening - and know that your daughter is very lucky to have a mother like you to help her through what she is going through, she is going to need a supportive mother - and you seem like a very supportive mother, I think the most important thing now is to be there for your daughter, and help her through what she is going through.

John

[tikka]

I know I wont get an answer to this but when does the guilt for not knowing the abuse was going on go away? That is my number one problem and it eats away at me everyday.

I too stand on the opposite side. I do not know when your guilt will cease. Perhaps it will remain but I hope that one day you will let it be outweighed by the knowledge that you were there when you discovered the fact. That you support her. She is fortunate in you. Some of us were not so blessed. Be not guilty for that you did not see, but proud for acting on what you did.

[ginnybean]

I know I wont get an answer to this but when does the guilt for not knowing the abuse was going on go away? That is my number one problem and it eats away at me everyday.

I too stand on the opposite side. I do not know when your guilt will cease. Perhaps it will remain but I hope that one day you will let it be outweighed by the knowledge that you were there when you discovered the fact. That you support her. She is fortunate in you. Some of us were not so blessed. Be not guilty for that you did not see, but proud for acting on what you did.

Thank you biggestfoot and tikka. I know I should feel good about what I have done but it feels so insignificant compared to what I think she must be going through. Even though she seems fine and doing well how do I know for sure that hurt and anger must be boiling inside her. I know it does in me. The pain and hurt that my precious angel went through and I didnt know. It just kills me somedays. I will say that since I got out of the hospital Ive been doing better and it dosnt eat at me quite so bad as before but I just wish it would go away and I could be at peace. I never let my daughter know Im feeling all this because she is the type that would feel guilty and I never want her to feel that. Thanks for all of your comments they really do help me like now when I cant sleep and want to just eat to make me feel better but I have to watch those unhealty coping mechanisms or I'll be back in the hospital. Again thanks.

[Charlene]

welcome to AS

[Skye]

Hi and welcome to AS.

I am so, so sorry for what you and your daughter must be going through. You sound like such a strong and supportive influence in her life and I am sure that she is so lucky to have you. The fact that you are reaching out to us here at AS and recognise that you have to be strong and brave in dealing with this for the both of you is commendable.

Many of us here have had mothers that have turned the other cheek, have turned us away, have not had the strength to be there for us or simply not cared enough.

I wish you the best of luck and want you to know that we will always be here to support you and to help you through this.

As for your guilt, I am so sorry that you carry this around. It was not your daughters fault. It was not your fault. I am not a mother and so therefore cannot imagine how hard this must be to accept. Feeling guilty just shows how much you care I guess and I hope that one day you will be able to together know that neither of you are to blame.

Sending you all my best wishes,

Skye.

[Angelbaby76]

THank u for being there for your child. i wish all mom and dads too would be more like you after 21 years of slience i told my mom what happend she at first was shocked normal. she said that what ever i wanted to do about it she would support me. Yeah right in june i decided to file police reports in phila and nj she told me she be there NOT my aunt went with me on both. and i had to meet with the nj assistant prossacuter and she couldn't find the time to go with me. she has no clue what i going threw she thinks i am okey i course i am okey i go to a therpirst and i just hide everything else from everyone who don't know and for those that no i prefurre not to talk about it so thanks for being the mom your little girl can depend on threw this

[tearsofpain]

Thank you! Thank You! THANK YOU! for doing this for your daughter.

Thank you

It makes me cry thinking about how grateful I am your daughter is safe.

Tears

[ginnybean]

Thank you all for the warm welcome and telling me I am doing something right for a change...lol I went ahead and showed my daughter this site and she is now a member. I dont know how much she will come on here but at least she knows its here if she needs it when she feels she cant talk to me. Again thanks to all of you.

[Kattalyina]

Welcome. I am glad your here!

[dopey79]

Welcome.............

Glad you are here,

Take care of yourself,

xx