Taking A Step At A Time...

[ThornedHeart]

Hello everyone! This is my first post that I thought was never going to happen. When I joined After Silence, I just explored the site and thought of this thing being such a big joke. Maybe I was abit scared....I guess.

But, yesterday...a friend had come up to me. I am a very trusted person in school with everyone. Alot of random people come up to me to get to know me and alot of them had said that I am a very easy person to talk to. Well, a friend had come up to me during study hall and asked to talk to me. I couldn't leave class but I took her into the back of the room and she told me that a guy had forced her into things. I come to find out that it was the same guy who have done the same thing to me.

If I had said something then this would have never happened so now I think that I need to open and just give my voice a warm up and stop thinking that I can just pretend that it never happened. I believe that After Silence can help me with this, it just might take awhile.

I tried to tell my mom, but she always says that she's going to slit my throat if she ever caught me with a guy. She's also an alcoholic. I cant talk to my dad, cause he's kinda in a depression and I really dont want to make things worse. I was thinking about talking to someone in school or a close friend outside of school.. All though, I have this wonderful (what people would say) a reputation. When I say a small thing about me, like I like so-and-so..it doesnt take it that long for it to get to everybody. I guess that I'm the type of person that alot of students would love to see something happen to them to make them feel better about themselves. (Thats what my guidance counselor told me) Jealousy...?

My name is Stephanie and I'm 15. You see that its not quite easy for me to use the words that describe the event that had happened to me (over-reacting maybe..?) I dont think I'm quite ready to explain my story. Not quite comfortable with this site just yet.

No matter how many times right now my head is telling me to exit this website and how bad I feel like I'm going to throwup right now...I think I'm ready for the beginning.

[theresak]

we are here when your ready hon!

(((Hugs))) if ok?

[sisterinsurvival]

Yahoo, !
We love you, and are glad you've found AfterSilence!

Finding a voice for what has happened to you is difficult!

You do know, if he has done it you, and now to a friend, he will do it again.
It might make it easier if the two of you go to the school guidance counselor and explain the situation. Edited May 19, 2007 by todlyn

[Survivors sanctuary]

Welcome to AS, Todlyn's advice sounds good, if you have an adult you both trust then with each others support you can make your voices heard ... And we will be listening at AS as well ..

[ThornedHeart]

Thanks so much

I understand that me and my friend might not be the only victim of this guy. She has so much more strength than I do. She's all ready on her way to putting the guy in jail and I'm so hopeful for that, but she does not know that he made me suffer too. I kinda avoid the subject on me when other people suggest it. When friends know that there is something wrong and I say I'm fine, we get into this huge argument.....most of them have said thats the annoying part of me (of being subborn)

My school isnt quite tight on privacy. It seems that when someone tells the guidance counselor something, that it gets around the school after than when you tell your best friend and someone else over hears. I know that some counselors do talk to other teachers and bring it up as a conversation.

It makes me mad very much and I have complained to the APs and they always say that they'll be right on it, but really dont do anything about it.

I'm mostly scared for my parents finding out. I dont have the strength to enter this battlefield to fight for my dignity. I dont feel that brave.

[angelic]

[Hi Stephanie, Welcome. You ARE very brave, joining this board is a brave step. We are all here for you anytime. You can be sure of that.

[justbeginning]

I agree with what everyone has said. You are a brave young woman and I hope that you continue to find strength.

I cannot tell you enough how much I agree with Todlyns advice to talk to your guidance counselor with your friend.

I am sorry that you have such a mother and home situation. We are all here for you!

edit: And I can tell you right now, that NO, you ARE NOT overreacting to whatever this boy did to you.

Edited May 21, 2007 by justbeginning

[mackieandi]

You will find lots of support here when you are ready but its okay to take your time. Ang

[Hardened Heart]

Were hear for you. I am sorry that you are not able to talk to your parents. Is there anyone that you can trust? I hope you are able to trust this sight more and more. We are here for you when you wanna talk!

Sarah

[Katia60]

Hi Stephanie,

Welcome to AS. This is hard stuff and hard to talk about and heal from. But I think you are at a point where you want to. Good for you. You are not alone.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

[Butterflyangelbaby]

Welcome to AS