Hi, I'm Melody

[Melody]

Hi everyone. I just wanted to introduce myself.

I'm 21 years old, and female. For the last three years I've been in college studying psychology. During those three years I've been the perfect student (deans list, straight A's, honors society etc), but my professors have been telling me over and over again that if I didn't start taking care of my own mental health I was going to burn out. Well, they were right. In my quest for straight A's I stopped taking care of myself all together. I tried to pretend that there was nothing wrong with me. My physical and mental health deteriorated until I was so sick I was bedridden for two months. Because I got sick I missed a lot of school and it destroyed my grades and I ended up loosing my financial aid. So now I'm taking a year off of school and its forcing me to deal with my own mental health. I'm trying to take this time to deal with everything thats wrong and put my life back together.

I'm a survivor of sexual abuse. That much I know is true, and beyond that I know very little. I have a lot of trouble remembering what happened. I know I was sexually abused around the age of 8, and possibly when I was 4 but I can't remember who the perpatrator was and I only remember some detail. When I was 15 I was in an abusive relationship with a guy who was 22, and the relationship ended after he raped me. That I do remember very clearly now.

Anyway, I think thats enough for my intro post. I've already written too much.

Melody

[PureRain]

Welcome to AS Melody!! You will find much love and support here, as well as understanding. I for one completly understand the whole school thing. I started the Master's program last year, after having gone to college for 6 years without a break (other than summer). I too got mostly all A's and B's, was on the honor roll and Dean's list and was a member of several clubs. Also worked the whole time. I went to therapy, but there was a wall that was holding me back from really really facing and dealing with the abuse I went through. Finally, as I was in the counseling program and had to not only devote a lot of time and attention to reading and papers, but we had to start facing personal issues and inadequacies, it took its toll on me. I was almost through the first year, and I decided with help from my therapist and school personnel that it would be best if I just dropped my classes and took some time off. I should be returning in the Spring. Now I can focus on my therapy full time, and that's what I've been doing, which has definitely been bringing out a lot of stuff. Anyway, I tell you this to let you know that I understand where your coming from and what's its like to not achieve in school like your used to and feel like your failing, but I did learn that taking care of your mental health is important and also essential to doing your best in school anyway.

The other thing I understand is repressed memory. I also know I was sexually abused, and that's probably because I ended up telling during the time it was happening, so my parents found out and my brother got arrested, and I was put into counseling. Other than that, I remember almost no details of what was done. I do know certain things because of reading the copy of the police report i have, and some body memories are coming back, but I know what its like not to remember. Very frustrating.

Anyway, as I second. Welcome to As. We're always here if you need to talk.

[dodo]

hi and welcome to AS

best wishes

karen

[brobbitt]

Hi Melody and welcome to the group,

"I'm 21 years old, and female. For the last three years I've been in college studying psychology. During those three years I've been the perfect student (deans list, straight A's, honors society etc), but my professors have been telling me over and over again that if I didn't start taking care of my own mental health I was going to burn out. Well, they were right. In my quest for straight A's I stopped taking care of myself all together."

No doubt in your three years of psychology training you will have worked on human 'defence mechanisms', I wondered... this quest to succeed, to be the best that you can, even at the expense of your own health, could this be about focussing all of your energy in one direction so that you prevent yourself from looking elsewhere?

"I tried to pretend that there was nothing wrong with me."

So you accept now that there is a problem :o(

"My physical and mental health deteriorated until I was so sick I was bedridden for two months. Because I got sick I missed a lot of school and it destroyed my grades and I ended up loosing my financial aid. So now I'm taking a year off of school and its forcing me to deal with my own mental health. I'm trying to take this time to deal with everything thats wrong and put my life back together. "

So, now not having college to concentrate on, you have little choice but to look inward, to search for answers not from books, but rather from within..

"I'm a survivor of sexual abuse. That much I know is true, and beyond that I know very little. I have a lot of trouble remembering what happened. I know I was sexually abused around the age of 8, and possibly when I was 4 but I can't remember who the perpatrator was and I only remember some detail. "

These things sit on the edge of your awareness, it feels like information is being allowed through a bit at a time and at a pace that allows you to stay safe. The healing exists in recognition and self acceptance towards that which you know, this in turn may allow more to enter full conciousness or for greater clarity in time. Are you getting help with this, are you in therapy?

"When I was 15 I was in an abusive relationship with a guy who was 22, and the relationship ended after he raped me. That I do remember very clearly now."

:o( How incredibly sad for you Melody. So, there are two sides to this, the things you know, are aware of, and the things that are hazy memories. key then that you work on the things you know first, then the rest may come.. So hope so for you!

"Anyway, I think thats enough for my intro post. I've already written too much."

Yes, even now without the distraction and hard work of college, its key that you go at a pace that keeps you mentally and physically safe.

Brian

[Melody]

Yes, even now without the distraction and hard work of college, its key that you go at a pace that keeps you mentally and physically safe.

Yeah I found that out the hard way. I bought The Courage to Heal and started reading it and doing the writing exercises like it was a text book. I was treating it the exact same way I treated school. As if I could just sit down and be completely emotionally detached while I analysed my trauma. Then I got to the writing exercise where you write about the abuse and I kind of fell apart for a while. I'm taking a break from the book now.

[Becky]

Welcome

[QuietGuy]

Melody,

nice to have you on board.

I have been through something similar, am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse that only really came to the fore of my consciousness when my father died a couple of years ago. I had a breakdown (sort of burn-out) at the beginning of this year, although I have to add that there were other factors as well (very stressful job and marital breakup).

However, it has forced me to take a look at things afresh and to finally try to address the things that I blocked out of my mind for so long. The realisation that I am in no way to blame for what happened when I was a child was a great relief for me! However deep other feelings sit (and they do), that realisation does really help me..

It's a time to be strong, but also to recognise your own goodness, frailty, tenderness, and beauty. I wish you well and welcome to AS

Brian

[clickheels3times]

Hi everyone. I just wanted to introduce myself.

I'm 21 years old, and female. For the last three years I've been in college studying psychology. During those three years I've been the perfect student (deans list, straight A's, honors society etc), but my professors have been telling me over and over again that if I didn't start taking care of my own mental health I was going to burn out. Well, they were right. In my quest for straight A's I stopped taking care of myself all together. I tried to pretend that there was nothing wrong with me. My physical and mental health deteriorated until I was so sick I was bedridden for two months. Because I got sick I missed a lot of school and it destroyed my grades and I ended up loosing my financial aid. So now I'm taking a year off of school and its forcing me to deal with my own mental health. I'm trying to take this time to deal with everything thats wrong and put my life back together.

I'm a survivor of sexual abuse. That much I know is true, and beyond that I know very little. I have a lot of trouble remembering what happened. I know I was sexually abused around the age of 8, and possibly when I was 4 but I can't remember who the perpatrator was and I only remember some detail. When I was 15 I was in an abusive relationship with a guy who was 22, and the relationship ended after he raped me. That I do remember very clearly now.

Anyway, I think thats enough for my intro post. I've already written too much.

Melody

Melody,

Welcome;

I, like you and pure rain have much that I do not remember, and too much that I do. I am in school, I am the mother of two children and I work and sometimes it beceoms too much everything stops, My Presidents list not happening (not for a while anyway).

The effects can be long lasting and worse reoccuring I think the art is in learning how to deal with both aspects while attempting to keep the life that you have worked for. Having people around who know and understand is often the step up that people need.

Welcome again,

Sara

[WENDYLEE]

WELCOME

WELCOME TO A NEW START

GOOD LUCK

[girl_interrupted]

hey there! welcome to AS. I'm relatively new too and I just wanted to say I think it's great and very couragious of you to finally seek help. I am extremely sorry for all the pain you've had to endure. I hope you find the piece of mind you are searching for. If you ever feel like having a chat just PM me. lv mic x

Edited October 4, 2006 by girl_interrupted

[Butterflyangelbaby]

Hey Melody

Welcome to AS

Glad to have you here