These are very natural feelings and reactions, not that they aren't very scary and hard to deal with, but know that your not alone in them or that you are bad for having them. You absolutely did NOT deserve this, and the reason it happened to you is because there are sick people out there who prey on people. It's not fair and it shouldn't have happened, but its not because of anything you could have done. Don't be sorry for being upset, because it was upsetting what happened, and the fact that your naming your feelings and talking through them is great. We are all here for you and you are