Just saying hello

[Starting A New Life]

Hello, 

I am working on a relationship with a survivor of childhood sexual abuse from a family member. She has suffered for a long time and has carried that burden. As she begins her substance abuse treatment and hopefully her mental health treatment, I am trying to be proactive in learning how to be the supportive partner for her during her healing. For me, everything I do romantically, whether kissing, hugging or anything else non-sexual is spontaneous and natural. What I am having a hard time remembering is that what is spontaneous and natural for me can be more harmful for her. It is difficult for me to need to relearn that I need to ask if I can kiss or hug before doing those things. It is a tough challenge for me, but I am up to the challenge. What I am hoping to find here is: a support group for partners and additional resources for how to respond or assist with the healing process.

[8888]

Welcome to After Silence.  I’m sorry to hear what happened to your partner.  Thank you for supporting her.  She is lucky to have you.  I hope this forum will be to your benefit. 

[Struggling88]

Hi, Starting A New Life, and welcome! 

[MeBeMary]

Hi Starting A New Life,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry that you have a loved one who has gone thru childhood abuse, but glad that you are trying to be supportive to her. It can be very difficult for survivors and many times this either scares a people away or just have them confused how to help, so they say and do nothing thinking less said the better.  Altho a survivor typically has a difficult time talking about the trauma they've endured, acknowledgement and validation is so very important. This is a good way to start.

I know that as a supporter of a survivor is not easy, but I am glad you are trying. I am sure she appreciates you trying. Sometimes that balance takes a while to surface. Please be patient with her too, as she is trying. I do wish you both the best.

Mary

 

[missfrier]

Hello @Just Starting A New Look life

Welcome to  AS.   I am sorry to hear that you've had to find us, but  glad you did.  I am sad to hear that someone you care about has experienced trauma.  It is always wonderful to see someone willing and wanting to help their family member or friend through this   difficult time.   Just being there for them and letting  them talk without fear of judgement is the absolute best gift you can give them.  Please know and understand that we are also here to support you.  I hope that being here will help you to be able to support your loved one as best as you possibly can.  Please lean on us for support if you need.  

Wishing you all the best!!!
missfrier