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hoping2heal

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    Female

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    Survivor

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  1. It's only been 3 days since I've started up my weight-loss/fitness journey and I'm actually feeling like it's working out for me. The other times I've tried I merely failed and knew I wasn't really dedicated to it or I was doing it for someone else. This time I'm doing it for me. I have flat feet and some exercises really hurt but I started walking which is quite easy on the joints. I'll look into getting some gel pads and a basin to soak my feet in afterwards. Whatever happens, I can't allow myself to quit. Obviously 90% of successful weight-loss is diet so I'm starting to eat on small salad/saucer plates again. This is allowing my brain to believe that I'm actually eating more than I am. I also allow myself unlimited servings of veggies. I eat what I want now, just in smaller portions and I make sure I work out an hour a day, 5 days a week. Walking takes almost no effort if you're my size so it's easy for me to just get it done. I even leave my shoes, shades, and ear phones at the bottom of my stairs so that when I go to the kitchen I remind myself to work out. I was always afraid to shed the weight because I didn't want to feel vulnerable again like when I was a skinny child. I also wanted to keep the weight on as a protector from unwanted male attention. I've done that for the worst half of 30 years and quite frankly I'm sick and tired of hiding. I shouldn't have to hide; I wasn't the one who did this to me. And by allowing my fat to stay, to keep me trapped I'm letting my abusers win. I'm going to see this through and take back my joy by shedding the weight once and for all.
  2. OP, yes, I do consider this incest. It was wrong for him to put his hands on you and even think that it was okay just because he isn't blood related. I'm sure that thought crossed his mind. "Well, she/he's not 'actually' my child so it's not bad." WRONG! He made an oath to your mother to care for you as his own when he married her. He knew that he was your only male role model. Someone that is supposed to help a child in this world and not harm them. A real father does just that. So yes, I consider it incest because he took that oath as a husband to your mother and helped raised you as his CHILD. Safe hugs if it's okay, OP.
  3. Today I did something for me. I washed my hair, showered, cleaned my home, and exercised my body. This may not seem like a big deal to anyone else but this is coming from a person who previously couldn't get out of the bed. I look like a normal, healthy person but deep inside I'm a frightened little girl burying herself with food and using her fat as a shield. Today is different. Today I did something for me.
  4. Greetings everyone, My name is Rachel and I've been a victim of both childhood sexual abuse and physical abuse. My physical abuse lasted around 19 years (when I left home) and the sexual abuse lasted from the ages of 2-13. I have a lot of healing to do and a long journey ahead of me. I joined this site a while back but wasn't in the right mindset to want to heal at that time. I came back and I'm glad I did. I'm ready for my journey, good or bad and I've even set up an appointment for a shrink. Hoping to heal, make friends, and grow from this opportunity. Pleasure meeting you all!
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