So all i keep remembering is a time when i was about 4-6. It was when my father was with his second wife and i think at the time he lived in Indiana. See he moved a lot due to his job. But he had just started college again to become a nurse. The only thing is he didn't make enough to pay for it on his own. So instead he started to sell me instead. Well in the process of all this i started to become numb to myself and feel split. Still me but not at the same time. I guess that was my bodes way of protecting itself from the trauma.

I keep having flashes of this one instance and i cant get it out of my head. My father stuck me in the "special room" which i knew to mean that one of his friends where coming over... Which to me this always meant pain. I don't know why i didn't fight or refuse to go in there but i didn't... This time was different though. It had always bee just one but this time there was two men. I remember one to be of darker skin almost like coffee with a lot of milk in it. and one to be white. i don't remember there faces and i barely remember what happened that night. Which is honestly probably for the better.

I do remember though them forcing me to give both of them oral.. I can still feel them in my mouth and taste them...it makes me sick.... The next thing i remember is the man of color starting to rub me in between my legs. so at this they lay me down on my back and both start to rub me. one was rubbing my but and the other my front both still only touching my panties... I remember feeling so scared and at the same time feeling myself float away.

I guess i stayed floating for awhile because the next thing i remember is my father picking me up and laying me in a warm bath. I could barely move and the water i noticed was a light pink color after i was put in it. I felt so tired and was in so much pain i just broke down and started sobbing into my hands. That kind of sob that is quite but racks your entire body . I remember thing i just wanted to die...But instead i next found myself in bed with the smell of medicine in the air...

I know there is very large chunks of that night missing and i know that that wasn't the first nor the last time that happen to me. But thats just the one that stuck... at least for now And honestly i hope forever...

Source: Just Another Piece Of The Puzzle