Step I/Question V: Do you act out your pain by self-injury, overeating, drugs, etc?
My family smoked pot, so I was smoking by 7th grade. At 15 my cousin gave me my first line of speed, which ended with me in rehab by age 20. I haven't done speed since, but I have on and off turned to weed to escape life.
My drug addition was short but did a lot of damage. Over the course of it, I lost 3 apartments, 3 cars, been homeless, had 3 children by age 21, had two of them taken for 6 months, and lost out on years of working towards an education or bettering my life.
In and out of my addiction, I participated in a lot of other self harming behaviors due to my sexual abuse. I slept with many people I wouldn't have slept with (wrote on this is a previous post). I stayed in relationships I should have, some physically abuse, some emotionally abusive. I allowed abuse people to be part of my life, till I was healthy enough to cut them out.
My self hate and unworthiness has kept me from living the life that I deserve to live and to enjoy it.
At times, I participate in risky behavior. Whatever that may be at the moment - from smoking to affairs, to acting out sexually with my partner or by myself.