Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
  • entries
  • comments
  • views

Step I/Question II: Who and How have you attempted to protect others?

Freyja Lee


This was pretty much answered in my response to Question I:  Have you kept your sexual abuse a secret?.  I protected all my perpetrators.  My dad, my brother, my uncle, my cousin, my dad's girlfriend's two brothers and the adult/child relationship I had.

I didn't tell anyone of the abuse while it was happening.  And as I previously journaled, I even kept the secret from the perpetrators themselves.  By pretending to be asleep and therefore, 'not knowing of the abuse'.  If I acknowledged the abuse, then I would have been the 'bad' person.  

Who and how can you tell when there is no one to tell?  I couldn't tell my dad, who was sexually  abusing me, or my brother, who was sexually abusing me.  I couldn't tell my mom, who abandoned me to my pedophile father. My dad made sure that I knew my mom didn't want me and that if he didn't 'chose' to be a single father, I'd be in foster care.  When sexual abuse runs in the family, there is no one to tell. 


Recommended Comments

Thanks for sharing your story. It does help to have a connection with someone, and I do know how you have felt when pretending to be unaware of what was happening. I never thought of keeping the truth from an adult as secret. I thought of it as a lie. I became a great liar, and started to lie about everything. I told my classmates I had the beautiful room with pink carpet and a four poster bed. My abusers laughed when I said I would tell. Maybe that's why I started to lie about stupid stuff. Maybe I was checking to see if anyone would believe me. I'm not sure if writing this down helps me, as it is all more obvious, how I was using survival skills and building skills to save myself. Until recently, I had not made any connections with some of my bad behaviours and my abuse. Once the truth came out, I told myself I would never lie again. Not that is a problem, because I say too much. 

Share this comment

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now