I have had this memory before but tonight it brought me to my knees, I no longer want to know TC my three to five year old, not mad at her but her memories are so awful, just would rather she go away . Tonight I was in the car, when I rode by a restaurant that had a gas leak, the smell took me back to my grandpa's garage TW.....I can hear my mom calling for me, my tiny hand is in bad grandpa's pocket stroking him and he has not yuck yet so he puts his gas scented hands over my mouth so she does not know where I am, I can't breathe, I feel sick then he pushes me out of the garage and I go in front of his store, sit on the curb, sick, scared, mom finds me, whispers I stink and I was a retard for not answering, then grabs my hand and pushes me to the car, I feel sick for the trip home and just swallow my sick so I do not get in trouble at home, I run in get sick, clean up so I do not get in more trouble, I want to hurt myself for letting myself get triggered by the gas fumes, I just want to go somewhere peaceful where I am no longer haunted by this.