Victim impact statement
Entry posted by Invisible~ ·
658 views
2017
All this is embarrassing and shameful to say. But I need you to hear me. This is the only time I have to confront u....
Now I want to talk to you about that night that brought us here. But I want to tell it as if I were you and you were me, I hope you see the type of husband you were.I want you to picture yourself half the size and strength of me. Now see yourself sitting in pile of dirty laundry crying while I'm yelling over you and between your sobs you're trying to stick up for yourself but I just yell louder. Now see yourself looking up and seeing your son screaming and crying. Picture yourself hopeless, and you have to decide which is safer picking him up and running or staying still and doing nothing. You know you can't make it out the door in time so you stay still.Out of fear you pick up the phone and call your mother and law. And your crying and just repeating please come and get me. But I stick out my hand in front of you, and I make you give me the phone. Then I put you on the bed pick up your son and point at you and demand that you don't move. know once I come back something bad is going to happen. You're crying, you're wondering if your mother in law cares enough to actually come and get you. That minute it takes me to get from *Ls* bedroom, and back feels like hours. You hit the floor crying .Then I shut the door, and I make you lay down. Your body's shaking from fear. I lay down next to you and I say “YOU ARE GOING TO BE SUBMISSIVE TO ME.” I make you say that you're going to be a happy wife. Then I try to make you say your not going to leave me. But you don't say it. So I start to hit you in the face, you don't understand what's going on or understand what I'm telling you. You see no recognizable emotion in my face. Out of nowhere I start strangling you. And I'm yelling at you but you don't understand what I'm saying. Then you start to lose your breath so I let go. And you catch air, but then I put my hand over your mouth and I get really close to you and I keep telling you to breath through your nose. Your crying snots dripping down your throat you feel like you're drowning. Slowly you can’t breath again. So I let go. Then I strangle you again. And as I repeat this pattern back in forth your screaming, crying, you're trying to breath. Your sons in the next room and he's listening to you scream for your life. You feel your eyes rolling in the back of your head. Every time I let go and switch from your neck to your mouth you wonder if I'm going to kill you this time.Then suddenly I pull you close, and I'm remorseful and I'm telling you I'm sorry. But you're yelling at me trying to escape from my arms. But I don't let you go and I put my head on your chest. So you put your arm in between my head and your chest to protect yourself. But you piss me off. So I grab your boob but you move my hand. So I try to force my hands down your pants but you're pulling it away. Then I start to try to rip open your legs, you've been screaming for me to stop, screaming for someone to call the cops. And I'm yelling at you but you don't know what I'm saying then I start to strangle you again. • The next thing you remember is I'm sitting on the floor crying and you're yelling at me. And you're feeling unloved by everyone. Invisible because I just hit you, strangled you and tried to rape you. Because you called your mother in law who never showed up, and because you screamed for help but no one came. You are officially nothing... I was officially nothing.
...The saddest part of my reality is not just our past, it's not just my night mares, it's my dreams. The ones where your sorry and you've changed. You hug me, you kiss me. Your different, you love me. I'm a person, I'm your wife, you take care of me. I heal from your torture. But believing these things is what kept me with u, and I won't risk my life for a fantasy. the longer I'm away from you, the more I realize I'm terrified of you. And if I don't go back to you it's not me who tore our family apart it's you. I'm scared of you. And I'm learning it's ok for me to be scared of you because you're dangerous for me.
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