I had another anxiety attack yesterday and this time everything is different. I feel different. All I wanted was for everything to end. No one understands me. No one understands how I feel or why I do the things that I do. and Some of the stuff I do means nothing to me because it just became the normal for my life but others try to read into it. Some peoples words cut me even when they don't realize what they're saying. I feel like something actually broke inside me.... I did something I have never done before and no one knows about that either. I just keep thinking how differently my life would have turned out if I didn't ask my parents to adopt me.... I would be homeless right now.. I would have no one or no where to go to. Sometimes I guess part of me wishes that I had never asked them to adopt me. it doesn't fix anything.. as much as I try to pretend to be normal it doesn't make them my real parents my bio parents left me or abused me and finding new parents doesn't just make all of that go away...... I wish I had realized that sooner Because then I could be out in the world all on my own right now and I would have ended it by now... It is like my give a f**k switch is flipped to the off position and I can't turn it back on... I just don't care about so much right now. But I'm so good at playing the part of the girl who is doing fine... no one even takes the time to stop me and make sure it's not all a lie...