Dear Perpetrator... *TW
Entry posted by mmonroe ·
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Dear Perpetrator:
I have no clue of what you may be doing now that you are no longer in my life; however, I have no desire to know or honestly do I care. I do, however, want to express how you have personally impacted my life since the attack. Ultimately, I want to express gratitude. Yes, you heard me correctly. I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The night you so kindly took advantage of me as tears stung my eyes and I expressed cries of "no," I did not know that within due time, something would happen to me to get to the point I am now.
See, perpetrator, I have been a people pleaser my entire life. Of course, you knew that because you took something so delicate.... Someone who would give the shirt off of her back to help others and would do anything in the world for someone that asked for her help... Someone who would put others' needs before her own without batting an eyelash... Someone who was involved so vastly in the community and offered a helping hand, regardless of her own personal problems or issues... You took someone like that, and you broke her. You allowed her world to fall apart around her, bringing her down to her knees.
I never thought I would be sitting here now, thanking you for destroying a part of me that I will never have back until I understood the truth of the matter. Due to the fact my entire life has been catered around doing for others and making sure others' needs are accounted for instead of worrying about my own self, I realized that ultimately, I was the one that was to blame for such. I was weak.. I was weak because I allowed others to judge me and make me feel inferior. I allowed what others thought of me to dictate my life in every way.
Now that I realized that my happiness is no longer altered by how others view me as a person, but rather my happiness comes from my own heart and those who bring out the best in me, I could never be more satisfied. I found that those that only cared for me in order to use me no longer were worth my time. I also learned that you were no longer worth my time either. Actually, you were never worth my friendship.
I have found my strength in times of sorrow... Whether it be waking up in the middle of the night and sweating due to terrible nightmares and flashbacks of the situation, or whether it be getting out of bed when I felt as though my world was ending, I found strength in the hopeless times.
For you see, Perp, I forgive you. I forgive you, so now I can move on with my life and enjoy the simple blessings that are so graciously provided. I forgive you, so now I can inspire others that may go through a similar situation or warn them about my situation ahead of time. I forgive you because I have found my strength in my weakness.
In the past, I had blamed myself for the situation that happened you had caused. I am grateful that my eyes have now been opened, and I owe you all of the credit, for this was 110% your fault, which is why I am writing to you now. You should understand that you are so sick for wanting to ruin my life, which is why I forgive you because I refuse to let you ruin it. I also refuse to sit back and let you do this to someone else.
Now that I know my story will inspire others, I hope it will inspire you as well. You need to understand, Perp, that when a girl says "no," she means NO. When a girl cries, that means she is unresponsive to your forcefulness, so stop.
As I said, Perp, I do not know where you are right now in life nor do I care to know. You are blocked on all forms of my social media, and you will stay that way... Nor shall I ever call you by your real name, for you are far undeserving of anything but the name, Perpetrator. Be thankful I call you Perp sometimes for short. At least that nickname isn't AS bad.
You have shown me what it feels like to be so broken, but you have also shown me what it's like to have strength because I found I did not have any other choice. I refuse to allow your thoughts to demean me anymore or make me feel undeserving, for I AM deserving, and you are not. Not in the least bit.
Wherever you are right now, perpetrator, I want to let you know that you will always feel guilt for what you did to me. It will eat at you each day for the rest of your life as it should. However, I am moving on due to the fact I have forgiven you. You are no longer worth my time or energy because you are not worth it.... And I, on the other hand, have found strength in my weakness, hope for the helpless, and a faith far bigger than anything I have ever imagined.
Sincerely,
Marilyn
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