sisyphus
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Why do they do this? Why do they try to convince us this didn't happen? Why have I been punished for being violated? I want my life back. I want all this pain to go away. I can't make it stop.
I can't stop myself. I've gone out screaming onto you tube and reddit trying to expose the atrocities of my family's missions organization. It's pointless. They are so self righteous and brainwashed. I found hundreds of other people out there doing the same thing. I don't understand why they won't just change their harmful practices. I don't understand how they could have made me repent over and over for my own CSA and attempts to un-alive myself. I don't understand how they are giving exorcisms to rape survivors and children. How do I move on? How do I heal? How do I stop hating myself? How do I stop myself from trying to get this abusive system to change? Why can't I accept that no one in my family cares about me? How to I become a functional person again? I don't even know what that means anymore.
I am suffering.
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They try to convince it didn't happen because they do not want to take responsibility...and they don't want to change. I'm sorry you and any child goes thru this.
It's hard to make this world a better place. You are trying tho. You recognize what happened and how it was wrong. You know it's been harmful and children don't deserve this. You didn't deserve this.
It's not easy to get past all these painful thoughts and memories. Keep trying tho. They were wrong, you were innocent. You deserve happiness and keep fighting, it may come.
Sending you support and hugs, if ok.
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