New Member... (mt)

[Ican'tcry83]

I've been coming to this website for quite some time now but I could never bring myself to join as a offical member, silly I know I guess I keep telling myself what everyone else keeps telling me "get over it, it was a long time ago and it's in the past, move on". I've been abused sexually, physically, and emotionally all of my life, or atleast the parts of my life I can remeber. I don't know what it feels like to truly feel, and I'm not sure at this point if I ever will. I thought I had dealt with all of this, and that I could atleast move on with my life, I always thought I deserved that, but 5 months ago when I had my son all the memories and flashbacks returned, to haunt my life once again. They were always there, I assume I was just soo shut off emotionally that I didn't react to the demons in my head, but now I can't help but to. No one understands me, or what I'm going through, they just all try to ignore what's going on and prtend along with me that I'm ok. My fiance doesn't even know what to say to me, so he chooses to say nothing at all. I'm more full with anger than anything else, I'm always mad or upset and some times I don't even know why. I'm not sure what to do with all of this, or who to turn to, thus my reason for becoming a member to this site! I'm hopeing I can find support or someone who can understand some where. I want to be the best wife, and mother I can be but I'm being held back from doing that by "them", once again "they" win. I've come to realize that even though the abuse itself has been over for a long time, I'm still being abused daily by my mind. If only I could find a way to shut it off!

Edited October 27, 2005 by Ican'tcry83

[shivedheart]

I'm glad you decided to become an "offical" member. What you wrote makes complete sense. I had never thought of it like that. You're right - despite the abuse having been over for years, it's almost like it's still a daily thing.

((((hugs))))) Welcome to AS. I hope you find the help and answers you're seeking.

Kelly

[Books101]

Welcome to &S offic&lly........ple&se feel free to post when you need or w&nt.

Welcom to our f&mily,

Heidi

[tealight rookie]

Welcome to AS

I think many of us here can relate to the sense of shutting down our emotions, and the daily struggle to feel them once again. You're not alone.

Take your time and post when you're ready.

Ruthie

[Donna]

Welcome to the board hun.

[Jessie]

Welcome to After Silence.

[~Catherine~]

Welcome to AS, hun

~Catherine

[rainbowstar]

Welcome to AS

- Rainbowstar xx

[wheezydiesy]

We can definitely relate.

I began my therapy about a month ago and am just the last 2 sessions actually making progress. I always had flashes and fears and I always numbed them out. So I hear you loud and clear.

Welcome to AS!

hugs,

rach*

[Becky]

In a lot of ways, I could have written that post. I feel very similar to that.

Also, there is something about having a child that makes it all escalate. I am truly sorry for what you are going through and how hard it is to be understood by those around you.

You have come to the right place. I hope that it can provide you with what you need.

Still, I want to suggest to you to think about therapy. It has helped me but it is absolutely necessary to find the right therapist for you.Maybe one with a speciallty in sexual abuse issues.

welcome to AS!!

Becky

[smilingtears]

WELCOME TO THE AS FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!

in responce to you post i just want you to know that you dont just get over something of this nature. it is something that will be a part of you for the rest of your life. however the pain will subside eventually, and hopefully by coming here it helps with that. i know as helped me more than i can ever say and everyone here is beautiful!!!!!

-kristine

[Ican'tcry83]

I want to thank everyone for all the warm welcomes! I'm not ready to go into details about the abuse I endured throughout my life but hopefully I will soon! Maybe then everyone will be able to better understand where I'm coming from. I've been thinking about trying to find a therapist but I don't even know how to bring that subject up with my fiance, he's pretty much ignored my past and he seems to think I'm ok. I need help, I just don't know if he'll stand by when I break down. I KNOW I need to break down, but I don't feel like I can, or deserve to. I keep thinking if I keep pretending I'm ok eventually I'll be ok! Anyways sorry for going on and on, I just have no one else to talk to but you guys! THANKS!!!