Newbie Here

[atomictulip]

Hello Everyone,

I don't really know how to introduce myself. I don't accept myself, so how would I expect you all to accept me for me? I am looking for support here. This is a scary step for me to even come here at all. I was "the big R-word" 3 and 1/2 years ago. I am 25 and in Medical School right now. Life hasn't been "life" since then. I am finding that this is "normal" with most of the posts that I have read. Well, I finally decided to try counseling and tomorrow morning is my third appt. I don't like it because I feel like the counselor is prying and I don't know if I am ready. I think I am ready but my inner "child" says no, no, no...go hide. Know what I mean? My question is this, how do you know its the best thing to do, when I feel like I can handle it on my know, but I know in my heart that I just don't want to face anything because the whole thing scares me? I don't know what I think these days... I just find myself getting less sleep each day, being hypervigilant and scared all of the time. Does anyone feel alone, even though you know others have been through the same thing or worse? Does it get better ever???

~AtomicTulip

[tealight rookie]

((((((Honey))))))

Firstly welcome to AS... This is a very safe and supportive place.

So much of what you says makes sense you know. And many, many of us here struggle with all of the things you have talked about. The feelings of loneliness - despite being among fellow survivors - can be enormous. No-one knows your story quite like you do. And I imagine that those feelings must be heightened so much by the work you're doing in medical school... Who heals the healer and all that.

I'm really glad that you're in counselling, even though it is hard right now. Please try and stick at it if you can - unless of course you're not relating with your therapist/they aren't any good. I have been in twice weekly therapy for about six months now, and there are times I really and truly just want to run the f*ck away, but truthfully it is the best thing I have ever done.

Ultimately things do get better. Healing is kind of like a spiral - we do keep running over the same groud over and over... but each time we know that little bit more.

Sending you lots of hugs, and please feel free to PM me if you ever want.

Ruthie

[dopey]

welcome to AS hunni

[mariposa]

Welcome

you are not alone in all this,

Daniela.

[Survivors sanctuary]

Welcome to AS, take your time, no rush and I hope that in some small way it can help in your healing ...

[Donna]

Welcome to AS sweetheart.

Donna =)

[SheShy]

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this place as helpful as it has been for me.

Christy

[atomictulip]

Thank you all for your support thus far. I really hope to find hope in this forum and find friends who will be there as I face my issue head on...esp. with all of the counseling and such.

Thanks.