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[Shana65]

This is so difficult to write. Three weeks ago I became a victim of acquaintance rape. For the first week, I was in shock and denial. I've always considered myself a "good" girl. I never thought something like this would ever happen to me. I told my best friend when it first happened, but she kind of made me feel like it was partially my fault. It's been eating me up inside and I finally decided that I had to tell my boyfriend what had happened to me. He said to me, "You were raped." I hadn't used the word "rape" when I told my best friend because I was in denial. My boyfriend has been wonderful and very supportive.

I finally got in touch with someone from a local rape crisis center. I haven't filed a police report yet, but I'm going to do it. I might even have to file for a Personal Protection Order because this person has called me and he continues to send me text messages. First, he calls me all kinds of terrible names, then acts like nothing ever happened. I'm sure from his point of view, he didn't do anything wrong.

I got upset about something at work today, and I started sobbing. I think the more I talk about it, them more it's starting to become "real." I told two of my co-workers, and they told me that I need to tell my boss that I was the victim of a sexual assault. They went with me, and had to tell her what happened because I couldn't even say the words. I just cried. I've suffered from depression for years, and she's concerned that I get some help by checking myself into the hospital for an evaluation. I know that would make me feel worse, but I don't want to lose my job because they feel I'm unstable. I'm a teacher and I have the summer to work through this before I start school in the summer.

Sorry to vent. I just need to talk to people who understand what I'm going through.

[Guest SaraElizabeth]

Hi Shana and welcome to AS.

My name is Sara and I am a member of the Newbie Support Team which was set up to help new members settle in, so if you have any questions or need some support then please feel free to message me or another member of the team, and we will do our best to help you.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. I'm glad your boyfriend is supportive, that's a positive and so is the fact that you've been in contact with Rape Crisis.

It's ok to vent - alot of the time it helps and its kinda what this site is for! And this is a site full of members who understand what it is you're going through. It's a safe and comforting place for you to get support and meet other people who understand you.

I look forward to seeing you around the boards!

if ok

Sara

[risingfromthefire]

I'm new here too. I just wanted to congratulate you on take the first step toward healing.

[whimsical1]

Welcome to AS.

[sisterinsurvival]

Hi Shana65,

My name is Lynn, and I am a member of the New Member Support Team, as well. I just wanted to take the time to say welcome to After Silence. I am sorry for what you have gone through.

I usually don't reply to welcomes once another Newbie team member has posted, but I decided to, because our stories are very similar. I teach too. My incident was a date rape. In fact, I was set up by my principal and his sister who is our elementary coordinator for the district. I remember after it happened...thirteen years ago now...standing in front of my classroom of second graders and being unable to keep the tears from coming. I don't think they ever noticed. I had two or three weeks until the end of school, and it took everything I had to make it through.

That summer I left. Good thing about teaching...at least here...you still get paid when you are on summer vacation. I couldn't stay near home because the memories were too intense, so I went to a resort area a few hundred miles from home and just stayed. I didn't know a soul, but I had to have time to be alone. I know that he never processed what happened between us as a rape either, but it was. In my case, it just happened. I froze because of some issues from my past that I am not going to get into here.

It took a very long time to acknowledge what happened for what it truly was. In fact, it was over eleven years. But something that occurs that is so traumatic and leaves you a changed person needs to be recognized for what it was, a violation. I am glad that you are coming to grips with this, and I wish you well in get this person completely out of your life.

I hope that you find comfort and support here, and I definitely know that you will find others who understand you. I am glad that you have joined with us and look forward to getting to know you. If you need anything or have questions about the boards or how something works, please send me a personal message. I will gladly help in any way possible...also if you need someone to listen, let me know.

Take care,

Your Sister in Survival,

Lynn

Yahoo, !

We love you and are glad you've found AfterSilence!

Edited June 13, 2009 by sisterinsurvival

[knepigt]

Hi Shana <3

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you, but we all know what you're going through and I hope you'll find some comfort in this site :]

Stay brave!

[Survivors sanctuary]

Welcome to AS ...

[angelic]

Hi and welcome to AS

[SadEyes19]

Welcome, I am new also.

[tuliptorn]

Welcome to AS wave.

[HeartforAfrica]

welcome to AS

[revolution08]

welcome to AS

[Graice]

Hello and welcome to AS

We are a very caring compassionate group and theres always someone to relate to your experience and validate your feelinmgs..This is a place of unconditional acceptance.Im glad you found us and sorry for what youve been through to get you here.You matter to us here and we really do care

hugs to you

graice

[MidnightSunshine531]

welcome to AS