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brokenloser

By brokenloser,
in Public: Welcome!

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brokenloser

brokenloser

Posted
Posted

hi, i am new as i am sure you probably already guessed. i am married and my husband does not know about my past. i love him, but i hate sex and i want to scream and fight when he touches me, but i don't. i pretend it's okay and just pray for it to end quickly. when it is over i feel dirty and disgusted. i love him, but he would never be able to understand he doesn't disgust me, his touch and what he wants to do does. will there ever come a day when i won't feel horrified by his touch? will i ever be able to like sex or atleast not feel horrified by it? we have been together for over 11 years, and i have pretended for all this time, but it is taking it's toll on me, and i worry one day i will lash out and ruin both our lives.

i'm sorry to make this my first post,, but it says i have to make 25 posts to chat, and i just don't have 25 posts in me. i am pretty blank and empty inside

thank you

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sadeyes22

sadeyes22

Posted
Posted

:notalone::supportu::youcanheal::aswelcomesu:

Hi welcome to AS :flowers: I Hope you find what you are looking for here. This is a wonderful place for support. I am sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I don't really have any wonderful advice but I wanted to welcome you and let you know that you are not alone. We are all here for you. I look forward to seeing you around the boards. Take care

:hug: :hug:

Sad

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sadeyes22

sadeyes22

Posted
Posted

((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) If ok. I can understand being nervous. I was really nervous when I first joined this site too. Putting yourself out there for others is such a hard thing to do. But after a few days here I realized that I was not alone at all and there really were people who understood and actually cared about what I was going through. I have been a member here for a year now and I must say that everyone here really is family. I have made so many wonderful friends here and I really can't imagine life without after silence. So please take your time we will be here to listen when you are ready to talk. Welcome to the family. PM me anytime if you need a friend :bighug:

:hug: :hug:

Sad

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Saltywaters

Saltywaters

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi Brokenloser,

Welcome!! :)

It's always hard to talk about what happened, and to start talking to people you don't even know. That's all understandable, hun, and it's ok. Take all the time you need, to read and post and things like that. Besides the chat here, you can post on the boards, and you can send PM's to individual members, it's like an internal email sort of thing. You're not alone, we're here to support and listen.

I hope you feel at home soon. :)

:hug: = if ok?

Jo

Edited by Saltywaters
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Charlene

Charlene

Posted
Posted

squishy welcome hugs :bighug:

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Narell

Narell

Posted
Posted

Welcome to AS!

Sorry you are having such a hard time with sexual intimacy. I have a hard time with this too. To the point that I just can't have sex anymore with my husband. I found (for me) it was best to tell him what I had been through, and he was very understanding even though he had never been through anything like that.

It's still hard, because he still feels like it is his fault when I get triggered. But we are making progress (slowly).

Narell

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bewitched

bewitched

Posted
Posted

Hi and welcome to AS :flowers:

It is difficult at first becaue you don't know what to say or if its OK. Whatever you need to say please remember we all understand and are here for you whenever you are ready ok. take your time and relax. Sadeyes said it well. This is a very caring community.

Incidentally, I (along with so many other survivors) relate very well to what you did say and if you want to pm me any time, please do hon.

By the way it won't take long at all to get to 25 posts (sounds like you need live chat) just respond to people and let them know you do care and its always nice to welcome new people to make them feel comfortable also. Hope to see you in live chat soon hon.

Love and hugs :bighug:

Bewitched

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jillian57

jillian57

Posted
Posted

first of all welcome to AS!!! :hug: i am so sorry for what you are going through. what is keeping you from telling your husband what you went through??? please know that we are all here for you. take gentle care and pm me anytime. :bighug::hug:

Jill

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John

John

Posted
Posted

Hey there and Welcome to AfterSilence,

I am sorry for the Aftermath that you have been experiencing, please know that you don't deserve it :hug: - and yes I do believe that one day it will feel ok to you to have a sexual relationship with your husband and it feel ok, it is part of healing hun, and it does take time to heal and attention to heal from what you have experienced and I am glad that you have reached out to AS, and please know we are here to help you heal :hug:

Please know we are here to support you and to heal you heal :flowers:, and that we do understand what you have experienced, and please know that personal all survivors hold a special place within my heart include yourself, so please feel free to PM me anytime if you ever wanna talk about anything :hug:

Remember we are here for you :hug:

John

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