My brain is tornadoes

[Kekoa808]

trigger warning self harm
 

I am glad to have found this place as I can’t find much support where I am. The one person who actually understood doesn’t want to be in my life anymore. I am neurodiverse and struggle with mental health from a really rough beginning in life. June 2021-December 2021 I was repeatedly raped and sexually assaulted by the maintenance man at my apartment complex. I finally got the courage to say something but when I reported to the police I was told there was a level of consent because I let him in my house. It was horrible and it made it all so much worse. I fought to get him fired and to get a restraining order. I tried to press charges but the DA wouldn’t do it. I didn’t find that out until December 2022. Losing a friend to suicide and finding out he got away with raping me mixed with my own hormones going crazy, and I self harmed for the first time is over 12 years on December 12, 2022. I lost the only person who truly understood how I felt because of it. Once the neighbor guy learned she and I weren’t friends anymore and that the maintenance guy got away with it, he decided he could too. He assaulted me and I froze. One. He left my house I lost it completely. Purged, cut, cried my eyes out in a hot shower. I emailed my counselor what happened at 2:45am. 
 

I can’t write anymore right now. It’s too hard tonight.

[WannaMoveOn]

19 minutes ago, Kekoa808 said:

trigger warning self harm
 

I am glad to have found this place as I can’t find much support where I am. The one person who actually understood doesn’t want to be in my life anymore. I am neurodiverse and struggle with mental health from a really rough beginning in life. June 2021-December 2021 I was repeatedly raped and sexually assaulted by the maintenance man at my apartment complex. I finally got the courage to say something but when I reported to the police I was told there was a level of consent because I let him in my house. It was horrible and it made it all so much worse. I fought to get him fired and to get a restraining order. I tried to press charges but the DA wouldn’t do it. I didn’t find that out until December 2022. Losing a friend to suicide and finding out he got away with raping me mixed with my own hormones going crazy, and I self harmed for the first time is over 12 years on December 12, 2022. I lost the only person who truly understood how I felt because of it. Once the neighbor guy learned she and I weren’t friends anymore and that the maintenance guy got away with it, he decided he could too. He assaulted me and I froze. One. He left my house I lost it completely. Purged, cut, cried my eyes out in a hot shower. I emailed my counselor what happened at 2:45am. 
 

I can’t write anymore right now. It’s too hard tonight.

Hello Kekoa and welcome to After Silence, I am Wanna

First off, I am sincerely sorry for what this horrible person did to you. Letting somebody into your home does not equal with consent to any sexual interactions. Here at After Silence, we believe our survivors and have each other's backs. You decide what you'd like to share and when.

This is a safe place for survivors to connect, offer each other support and to just hang out. You can use this site to vent and discuss your trauma, but we also talk about hobbies, fun things, our passions and just life in general. If you've had a chance to check out the forum a bit, you might've noticed that we discuss many different topics here.

Please let me know if I can be at any help. The other staff and I are here for you, would it be questions, thoughts or for a chat. We are just one PM away. Please check your inbox for your extended welcoming.

Take gentle care, 

W ☀️

 

[Kekoa808]

I am not sure I fully understand forums and different places to post. I am not so great at computers and stuff. I just know I can’t do this alone. So much trauma has happened in my life and even more so in the last 2 1/2 years. 

[WannaMoveOn]

22 minutes ago, Kekoa808 said:

I am not sure I fully understand forums and different places to post. I am not so great at computers and stuff. I just know I can’t do this alone. So much trauma has happened in my life and even more so in the last 2 1/2 years. 

Okay, so if you click under "Forums" under "Browse" on the left side on top of the screen, you'll find the index. You can enter the forums by clicking on it's title. On top of the forum, you'll find a brief caption about what it is dedicated for and special rules for the forum. 

The Aftermath and Gathering Place are more general forums, and we have a forum called Simply Life that is dedicated towards topics that aren't necessarily trauma related. I'd say those forums are good to start out with. 

I have linked The Help Desk in my PM to you, where you can go for technical questions. 

Please take your time, and do not hesitate to ask for assistance. Us staff are here to help!  

- W ☀️

Edited October 22, 2023 by WannaMoveOn

[Doll6]

Welcome @Kekoa808 I’m sorry you belong here. I hope you find this a safe place to seek support and support others 😊

[HealingButterfly]

Welcome @Kekoa808

Thank you for taking the time to share your story. It takes a lot of strength to do so, I think you will find this site to be a great source of support. As Stated by WannaMoveOn, letting someone in your home does not imply consent, you did nothing wrong, as you are not at fault for the actions of the perpetrator.

Take care and continue to stay strong.

[MeBeMary]

Hi Kekoa and welcome.

I am very sorry you have trauma and it brought you here...but yet, glad you have found us. This community is filled with many understanding people, and you are not alone. 

I am also sorry you haven't found the justice you deserved thro the "justice system". It is not uncommon that this system finds no justice for survivors. There always seems like tons of excuse and tons of reasons why we don't find justice...and the perp gets away with it. 

I know how difficult it can be. Struggles are an unhappy result of something that was done to you. It isn't fair. Do know you will find support here and the validation you have yet to receive. We are here for you.

Wishing you the best as you move forward down this healing path. 

Mary