Good to meet you!

[Jazzmin]

Hello everybody,

I am new here and just wanted to say Hi! I am not sure what these Welcome posts usually look like, but maybe I will just give you a small introduction of myself:
My name is Jasmine, I am 32 years old and I was raped 10 years ago. I did (could) not tell anybody for 8 years afterwards in order to survive. 
For the past 2 years, I have been working through my past trauma with the help of different therapists. What I am still missing, however, is other people that I can talk to that have been through the same and can relate to how I am feeling and what I am still struggling with. I live in Sweden and while they have self-help groups for abuse survivors, they require an advanced level of Swedish - which I not yet have. I was, therefore, hoping to find some people here to exchange stories, feelings and support.

I think what I am currently struggling most with is that I do not know who I am anymore - after I started working through my trauma.
It's like I only know the person I was before - the one that kept a secret. But ever since I openly started talking about my experiences, I no longer seem to know what I want / need or who I am. I further still struggle a lot with a body-mind connection. I'd be happy to find some people that can relate in order to exchange thoughts and support one another.

Hoping to get to know you soon. Thanks for having me. 
x

 

[forestmistheather]

Hi @Jazzmin, welcome to AS.  You'll find it a really supportive forum, with many different experiences and threads to read.  I'm glad you found us, but sorry for what you've been through.  I too was r*ped 15 years ago now, but didn't tell anybody for about 5 years (it just wasn't an option - so I buried it, like you in order to survive).  I've been seeing T's (therapists - you'll find people just say T's on here) on and off since then, doing little bits of work, and am currently seeing one working on my feelings of not being able to be touched / get close to anybody.  There are quite a few active threads that discuss the topics you have referred to as struggling with.  Take your time and have a look round the forum, then when you're ready add a post to something or create a new topic if you would prefer.  Hope to see you about!

Forest x

[ActivistAlly]

Hello Jazzmin,

Welcome to After Silence

I wish that nothing had happened to you that caused you to need a site like ours but I'm glad that you found us to help support you through the aftermath of what happened.  I am glad you have been able to reach out to get therapy and that you have come to the point where you feel talking to fellow survivors could be helpful for your recovery journey.

That is interesting that you maybe moved to Sweden as you say you don't speak the language at an advanced level!  How adventurous to have made a move like that and I hope you enjoy living in Sweden!  

It sounds like you are (possibly?) going through a post trauma identity crisis which most people face after going through trauma - trying to figure out one's identity now and how one can live in a world and feel safe when something like the trauma happened to them.  I do hope you will find what you are seeking from members here on After Silence as they share their thoughts and experiences with you and offer their emotional validation and support.

Ally

[ambergirl]

Hi Jazzmin 

Welcome to as. I'm sorry you have reason to be here. but we welcome you with open arms and we are glad you found this site.

Loss of identity is a very common symptom of sexual trauma. Especially since it happened when you were in your early 20's, which is when you sort of "come into your own" and make your own identity and discover who you are as a person. It makes sense why that is a struggle. I'm very sorry.

I re-joined for similar reason-- to connect with people who actually get it. I did not tell anyone for years either. Many people here have had similar circumstances. I hope and believe you will be able to find connection here and mutual support. 

 

[Capulet]

Hi Jazzmin, and welcome!!!  

A lot of what you have said, I can sadly relate to.  My rape was nearly 27 years ago, and I didn't start dealing with things until many years after the fact.  For a long time, I felt like this was time wasted, and that I'd failed myself and those around me, but eventually came to realize that I needed to be ready and also in a safe mental/emotional place in order to seek the support I needed.  I'd also come to understand that there is no set timeline to healing and no rules involved - we simply leap when we are ready.  I'm pleased to hear that you are prepared to leap, and am glad you've found us.  You are definitely not alone.

This community has been a godsend.  

Wishing you all the best and looking forward to getting to know you.

Best wishes,

- Cap

[Jazzmin]

@forestmistheather @ActivistAlly @ambergirl @AKA Cappy 

Thanks so much for the warm welcome. Your words mean a lot to me. I am already glad I found this community. Thanks for all the support and love from afar. ♥️